ANGUS

Italian Tipple

2010-05-03T13:49:00.002+01:00

Lunch out on Bank Holiday Monday. Whenever Mummy turns her back, I now make a lunge for her white wine. Milk, shmilk. Just don't let on...

AMK

The Goose is Loose in Gloucestershire

2010-04-18T22:32:00.000+01:00

Horse Power at Beaulieu

2010-04-04T19:09:00.005+01:00

After a nice breakfast with Grandpa and GG we set off for a drive back in time to Beaulieu to meet Auntie Stephanie and Pillsbury Phil. Once we'd broken away from the several thousand cars all crawling into Lyndhurst, we raced through the forest and pulled up at Monty's for a spot of lunch.

Beaulieu is a funny old place. It's full of nice old cars and cranky old horses; after a fine lunch (thank you Phil), we went to have a look at both. After spotting a nice old silver DB6 being serviced in the garage we went to meet an old silver nag outside the ice cream shop. Phil went to give the old gal a pat on the head and got nothing but a kick in the shins for his troubles.

Nature's all very well and good, but when it comes to horses I prefer them under the bonnet or on the race track. Or in my tube of Pritt Stick.

AMK

p.s. You can see from this photo that M&D have taken to lumping me round in a rucksack. The gusset rides right up. Right up. Thank you Uncle Dan and Auntie Sue.

Abandoned

2010-03-27T19:52:00.001Z

It's a cheap trick, you know. Just because I can't walk or talk right now, doesn't mean you can go leaving me places anytime you feel like.

M&D, I'm talking to you so listen up. A young man could develop a complex, you know. Distracting me with a rice cake and then making a dash for it is not a great advert for perfect parenting. Well poo to you both, with nobs on.

I'm having a much nicer time here with Nanna and Grandad anyway. Nanna's made me a lovely tea and Grandad is teaching me boxing and drums and about all the plants in the garden. I'll be fine here, thank you. Don't bother coming back for me. You'll be hearing from my lawyer in due course.

AMK

Crawling, but not as we know it

2010-03-26T20:58:00.003Z

Sitting up has given me a splendid new perspective on life. Rather than stare at the ceiling all day long, I can now look about me and see what's what. And when there's not much about I can watch my toes and yank off my socks - the most fun a boy can have.

But one step at a time. I've got little interest in moving anywhere: I just don't see the appeal in this 'crawling' thing. If a toy is out of reach I make a half-hearted lunge for it before making a frustrated growl and it's brought to me!

However, over the past few weeks I've been learning a different type of crawl. Every Thursday Mummy takes me to Teddington Pool for swimming lessons. I splish, splash and kick my legs around with the other water babies. I chase a ball by kicking my legs really hard and Mummy even dunks me, which is very trying if I'm honest.

Today was my last lesson and as a test I had to hold on to the rail and bob about the place all on my own. It was fun for a second or two, before I got bored and let go. So today, the most important lesson I learned was that little boys with porky bellies don't float.

AMK

Messing about on the river

2010-03-20T18:25:00.002Z

There's nothing quite like whiling away Saturday afternoons discussing the issues of the day and putting the world to rights. Especially in the pub.

Today Felix and me had lunch at The Boaters. While the loonies were racing up and down the river in their row boats, we enjoyed some fine milk and wholesome grub on the bankside.

We've grown up together round these parts and I suspect we'll spend many more Saturdays supping and chatting on the river over the years to come (though I suspect we may not always sit there in identical vests, eating breadsticks and drinking milk).

Cheers Felix!

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2010-03-18T20:38:00.005Z

It's said that Mozart began to compose at the age of five. Lauded for his technical precision and depth of passion, he performed in front of royalty at just 17 and went on to redefine Opera with his blend of neo-baroque classical rock. Precocious little toad.

Well old Wolfgang's got nowt on me. You see, while the old maestro had his dad teaching him how to tinkle the old clavier, I've got Monkey Music to show me how to bash seven shades of sugar out of a plastic tambourine. Mummy takes me to The Landmark Arts Centre every Wednesday afternoon to learn about music.

We sit in a big circle and a lady sings us songs. She's a nice lady, with hair like a big bush. At the start of each new tune she gives us a different instrument to rattle, bash or tap.

A lot of my new friends at Monkey Music need help from their mummy to make a din, but I'm surprisingly adept; a natural. Whatever instrument we're given, I can make a big noise with it: I care little for rhythm and tend to focus on volume.

Mummy has spotted my promise and has bought me my very own music set, which I'm allowed to use at Nanna & Grandad's or whenever Daddy's looking after me. I've decided to follow Mozart by bucking the current trends and carving out my own style. But that's where the similarity ends. In many ways I'm a little more like another musical maestro: a muppet called Animal.

So this week I recommend Monkey Music. Raaaargh!

AMK

Bounce the bounce

2010-03-15T22:52:00.002Z

The Whoop-de-Dooper Loop-de-Looper
Alley-Ooper Bounce!
The Whoop-de-Dooper Loop-de-Looper
Alley-Ooper Bounce!
The more you try the more
You fly and that's what really counts

Right...it activates, and
elevates, accelerates and more
(wee)
You're bouncing off the ceiling,
like you never did before
(wooo)
The Whoop-de-Dooper
(Whoop-de-Dooper)
Loop-de-Looper
(Loop-de-Looper)
Alley-Ooper Bounce

WOW!

AMK

He's Wet the Baby's Head

2010-03-07T21:24:00.002Z

We took a trip out to Staines today, aye innit. It was Harriet's special day in the church, where a man wearing a dress splish splashes some water on her head and declares her member of a new gang. We sat with Nigel, Lynne and my chum Edward during the ceremonies, which was cool. We all played Star Wars Top Trumps.

Afterwards we had a little look at the river before heading off to Royal Holloway for a party. We had drinks and lots of food in Crosslands Bar, where Daddy used to do the same when he was a young impoverished student and where he later wooed Mummy. She must have been a very lucky woman.

Harriet looked lovely in her big dress, and she was lucky to have an enormous cake. Uncle Chris made a funny speech and we were all having a tip top time until things took a sinister twist.

I'm still a little shaken now as I type. You see, the Egham Child Catcher got wind of the afternoon's affair and gatecrashed. I managed to take this snap as he stole me away - enough of a clue for Daddy to come and rescue me. He looks distressingly like Uncle Nigel...

Come along kiddie-winkies, hahahahaha!

AMK

The Law of Unintended Consequences

2010-03-06T19:31:00.008Z

As previously documented, M&D seem keen that I develop a healthy interest in things other than the bottle and bed. It's all getting a little tiresome; I feel like one of those poor kids in a 'pushy parents documentary'. But today it all rather backfired and I hope it has put an end to their nonsense.

The weekend arrived (as it does on a Saturday) and as the sun was shining we decided to catch the train into London for a walk along the South Bank to soak up the sights, the culture and the general atmos. We saw some older boys doing parkour, which was cool but re-affirmed my fears about knee damage. Daddy wheeled me round some galleries to look at pictures and we even strolled round an old power station (another gallery, apparently, but all we saw was a slope, a queue for the lift and a lot of posh children with funny names).

Before long it was lunch time so we popped into a nice little place called Leon. It's basically fast food like McDonalds, but with old wooden furniture and nice food instead of plastic seats and plastic food. I had fun there. It was full of people reading books and wearing silly glasses, all acting very 'arty'. But I just liked hanging out and eating my bread stick and humous.

Halfway through my lunchtime treats I also realised that M&D have helped me discover a genuine interest. Our serendipitous refreshment break made me realise that I share the one hobby (the only one) they have too: I like hanging out eating and drinking in nice places. In trying to get me all excited about culture and bone-breaking adrenalin sports, they've inadvertently gotten me into fine dining and pubs. We're all cut from the same cloth, afterall.

It was clearly a moment of truth for M&D too. On the way home we stopped off at Kingston and nipped into Hahahahaha's for another quick bite to eat and a bottle of milk.

Splendid.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2010-03-02T22:08:00.002Z

This week I'd like to recommend a little film that my friend Dr Rata showed Daddy. It's tricky to explain so I'll just let you watch it.

HP "Create Amazing" - Director's Cut - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

AMK

Help Me Angus, You're My Only Hope

2010-02-28T20:53:00.004Z

I had a very distressing afternoon today. It turns out Mummy keeps a little boy trapped in a flat-pack plastic box. Poor little soul looks so confused and forlorn. And strangely familiar too.

I tried to free him today but no luck. Must try again tomorrow.

AMK

Big Ern, it's Been a Long Time

2010-02-27T21:09:00.004Z

This hobby lark is throwing up some interesting adventures. Parkour was ok but I'm concerned about too much impact stress on the old knees, so today I tried something new.

Like Parkour, it demands total dedication; it requires mental commitment and only the physical elite will succeed. Unlike free running, however, you tend to improve after a bucket of nachos and half a dozen Carona's. And you get to wear cool shoes to boot, as it were. Ten pin.

Yup, Billy and me went down to MegaBowl. After starting with a few duff gutter balls, I'd soon bowled my first strike. By the 10th frame we were tied on 209 and I was faced with the 7-10 split. 'Bedposts'. The hardest split of 'em all. I released the ball with unrivalled fury, right to left in-swing to dig out the 7 pin and pick up the 10 on the re-bound.

But I missed and Billy won. Still, it was a fun way to celebrate my 7 month birthday.

Mummy was kind: here she is trying to rig the scores in my favour.

No matter, I shall get my revenge next time. Afterwards we all went back to Billy's house for supper and fun. I had a consolation bottle of milk and mulled over my ten pin future.

AMK

Happy Birthday Nanna, Part II

2010-02-26T21:12:00.001Z

A little like the Queen, Nanna is having two birthdays this year. Or to be precise, because this year's birthday is such a big one she's celebrating it twice. I like that philosophy and would like to hereby remind M&D that one's first birthday is probably the most important of all. Ahem, hint.

So today M&D went into London to help Nanna have a fun day at the theatre with all her chums. Despite my penchant for Marlowe, Miller, Coward and Stoppard, I was left at home for the day. Thankfully I had GG and Grandpa to look after me, and I dare say we had more fun. Hurumph.

We had a jolly day together and they did a good job of looking after me.

I highly recommend their services to all my chums. Here we all are enjoying a laugh on the morning after the night before. In fact, I had so much fun I barely noticed M&D had gone awol.

Thank you for looking after me GG and Grandpa.

AMK

NB. As a point of clarity, it's worth noting that Grandpa's name is Mike not Jack (he's also more an islay malt kind of man).

Happy Birthday Nanna

2010-02-14T19:33:00.003Z

Today was Nanna's birthday. Discretion forbids me from telling you, my dear reader, just which birthday it was but needless to say it was a BIG one. (And there's a clue in the picture.)

We all helped her celebrate by filling the house with balloons, cooking up a big feast and Uncle Phil even baked a hundred cupcakes (I shall start calling him Pillsbury Phil).

We sang 'Happy Birthday' and gave Nanna lots of presents. Auntie Stephanie bought lots of balloons too, although I was a little put out that they weren't for me (but Nanna shared, because she's nice like that).

I made her a mug with my mug on it, so she can see my mug whenever she has a mug of coffee. M&D bought her a purse with their pennies - something she can keep her pennies in. And Grandad gave her a special box full of pens and paper, but no crayons.

As we're all flung far and wide, it's nice to have an excuse to meet up together. Some families live in the same street, even the same house. Others live thousands of miles away from one another and never meet up. I think we've got it just right - every time I see Nanna and Grandad, Auntie Stephanie and Pillsbury Phil, GG and Grandpa it's always exciting. And I know it will only be a few weeks until our next adventure together. The only exception is Auntie Danny - I feel a jaunt to the tropical paradise of Jersey is long overdue.

But back to the festivities - Happy Birthday Nanna!

Your favourite grandson,

AMK

Too Parky for Parkour.

2010-02-07T21:19:00.004Z

M&D think it's important for me to have interests outside of sleeping, eating and shouting. An interest that stimulates both body and mind. And preferably one that'll help make me get picked up, rather than picked on, at school.

So here I am: parkour for under ones, learning the first lesson - how to overcome any obstacle within one's path by adapting one's movements to the environment. Yes, I'm sitting. But with style, I'm sure you'll agree.

AMK

Keeping it in the Family

2010-02-07T21:04:00.009Z

In 1779 two old duffers were arguing over who had the fastest horse. Instead of entering them into one of the established races at the Oaks Stakes, they decided only a completely new one would do. The Earl of Derby, one of the said duffers, dipped a hand into his rather large wallet and sponsored a new fixture on the Oaks Stakes racecard and rather graciously named it after himself. Rather irritatingly for him, it turned out his chum Charles Bunbury had the fastest horse - Diomed picked up the first ever Derby and a purse of over £1,000. To this day it's still the richest race on the UK calendar.

Here's me and Grandad arguing about which horse might win this year.

He's a bit of an expert, you see, and it's nice he's keen to pass on his knowledge.

Today we all met at The Derby Arms opposite Epsom. It was my first trip to a racecourse, so rather fitting that I got to tread the hallowed turf where the Blue Ribband event of British racing is held every June.

Nanna and Grandad now live close by for a while - a little sojourn in Carshalton between their stint in Cardiff and vacance in Rome. It's nice having them nearby. After a cuddle with Nanna, we then walked back across the racecourse and watched some grown men play with model planes. After one chap's helicopter exploded at 20 feet we jumped in the car and tootled home.

One day I shall have a real one that'll drop me off on Derby Day.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2010-02-07T20:07:00.007Z

Flash forward six months. AMK is at nursery and has the place on lockdown. He was the first to understand the power of the powder. A new kid tries to muscle-in on my patch, my lucrative piece of the action: what a mistake-a to make-a.

Benjamin White (the new kid): Hey, my name is Benny Blanco from the other side of the Bridge.
AMK: You know me?
Benny Blanco: Yeah, I know you, you're AMK, mo-freakin' to the max, that's who you are!
AMK: Well, I don't know you. So, I don't owe you, Saso does. My place now, new rules. Everybody pays, okay? You think you like me? You ain't like me, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricon no mo's. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse.

The powder to which I refer is, of course,Ashton and Parsons Infants Powders. It's quite magical stuff.

M&D give me a dose at bedtime and it sends me boss-eyed with joy. A nice little hit of fizzy fun on the old tongue before sleeps. When my teeth finally start coming through I'm hoping they'll up the old dosage.

AMK

Sleep 'til You're Hungry, Eat 'til You're Sleepy

2010-02-05T20:29:00.004Z

That's not a bad philosophy, so I'm testing it out. While my milk does indeed make me sleepy if I drink it in quantity, there's a new way of speeding the journey from hunger to sleep - it combines consumption with physical exercise, you see.

When M&D sit down for their food, I sit down with them in my big chair. They lay out lots of nice things on my tray and I get to sling them about the place and stuff them in my mouth. It started a little hit or miss, but I think I'm getting the knack.

I'm in charge now, so it seems. It might look like feeding time at the zoo, but apparently I'm now a leading exponent of the science of "baby-led weaning". I can't believe anyone seriously believes putting a 6 month old baby in charge of their diet is a good idea, but here we are. I have a little nibble of this, a chew on that. And whether I like it or not I get to sling what's left across the room. It's all marvelous stuff. So far my favourite is brocolli.

Daddy isn't a great fan, it must be said. You see I end up gagging, choking and spluttering a lot. I've only stopped breathing twice and gone blue once, but it's all in a day's work.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2010-02-01T19:27:00.001Z

Day-in, day-out. Sleep, eat, giggle, gurgle, entertain, eat and sleep: the weight of responsibility I have to carry on my little narrow shoulders every day. If you're not careful, it can all grind you down.

So it's important to have an outlet - a way of blowing off steam. Some people fly model planes, some watch the rugby and others do karate, karaoke or even learn Klingon. I've found another way, which is why this week I recommend ...stacking cups!(4pce)

M&D build them up, I knock 'em down. Build 'em up, knock 'em down, again and again. There's nothing more theraputic. So just when everything starts getting a little bit too much, give it a go: there's nothing more fun than a bit of crash, bang wallop. And my Mummy is the best cup stacker of them all. I love my Mummy.

AMK

Sitting. What could be easier?

2010-02-01T19:21:00.001Z

Upon every great achievement, it's always nice to share your success and to show it off just a little bit. Auntie Stephanie was up today so I was determined to show her how I've mastered sitting. May sound easy to you, but it's a real skill I tell you - particularly when your head still weighs more than your body.

Thankfully I don't think she noticed this little set back.

Next stop standing. But no rush.

AMK

Get Well Soon Mark

2010-01-28T22:00:00.002Z

On Guernsey my friend Mark took a tumble on his bicycle. It's a good job he was wearing his helmet, but a bit of a shame he wasn't wearing his cape and spangly bodysuit.

Get well soon Uncle Mark.

AMK

Proportion and Balance

2010-01-27T19:38:00.004Z

It's taken 6 months for my body to catch up with my head - the one is now in proportion with the other. And I've also discovered balance (albeit fleetingly).

So here I am putting it all together. Sitting. Just sitting. It's what I like to do.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2010-01-24T19:51:00.003Z

On the 12th January at 16:53 local time an eathquate of a catastrophic magnitude hit the Republic of Haiti in the Caribbean. The United States Geological Survey recorded a series of at least 33 aftershocks and The International Red Cross estimates that about three million people have been affected. It's feared the quake could eventually claim 200,000 lives.

This is an old photo. I hope these boys are ok.

Lots of people are working hard to help everyone on the island. I'm sending this week's pocket money to help. This week I recommend you donate your pocket money too; it's easy, just click here.

AMK

Hello Moto, Animoto

2010-01-24T19:45:00.003Z

This week, AMK recommends ANIMOTO

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

I like watching music videos. And now I can make my very own. Bonkers!

AMK

ps Type ILKBDWGT into the promo code box to give it a go yourself

Ski Sunday. Ski Monday. Ski Tuesday...

2010-01-23T21:14:00.003Z

Despite the arctic conditions here in old Blighty, millions of folk have traipsed off to the Alps in order to hurl themselves down snow-laden slopes. GG and Grandpa are now off on their grand ski tour and Auntie Danny is hurling herself down the slopes with her chums too.

Here's a picture of Grandpa trying to get back down to the village bar in time for happy hour. And down below you'll see GG in mid-flight: all that practice on the Wii paying dividends! Eddie the Eagle has nothing on my GG.

While I'm still struggling to find my own feet on terra firmer, I think I'll give this skiing malarky a wide berth. But when I'm older I'd like to give it a bash, although I can't ever see Daddy being brave enough.

Perhaps I'll go with my chums, but until then the Wii will have to do.

AMK

Friday Night is Alright

2010-01-22T19:29:00.002Z

Friday. Woo woo. You toil all week long, but when Friday swings round it's party time.

Although one day will often merge into the next, Friday's are special because they usher in the weekend. And that's when I get to see the funny man and we all go and do nice things.

This Friday was a corker as we went over to see Billy for the afternoon. Because my house is so small, M&D decided to borrow Billy's house to entertain the Winterfloods on their own patch. Mummy was going to cook up some nice food, while Daddy was going to entertain Auntie Kate and Uncle David (heaven knows how, but the daft shirt he was wearing got a giggle).

It's important to have good friends; people you can unwind with, laugh with, cry with, piddle on the floor with and just be with. Friends like Billy.

AMK

Man Cannot Live by Bread Alone. Nor a Baby Milk.

2010-01-14T22:16:00.001Z

M&D do the strangest things with some of my toys. They roll them around the floor or fly them through the air making daft noises. All I'm really interested in though is sticking 'em in my mouth to see how they taste.

Milk, milk, milk gets rather dull you see. So out of desperation I'll try just about anything. Thankfully Mummy at last got the hint and has started to mix things up a little bit. Well, more than mix... more like blend to a pulp.

So far I've tried parsnip (excellent), carrot (good), sweet potato (tolerable) and banana (distinctly unpleasant, but I'll try anything once). Should you visit Bistro Angoose, I can recommend the parsnip and carrot blend.

Just be wary of the 'yellow surprise' and give my nappy bin a wide berth.

AMK

You Spin me Right Round, Baby

2010-01-12T21:56:00.003Z

After the chaos and anarchy of my early months (during which I'd stay up all night if I damn well pleased), I've now matured and found contentment in routine.

After 12 hours sleep I'll take my breakfast before a little nap. Then it's onto brunch. And a little nap. Before Mummy takes me for a wander around the shops. While I take a little nap. Then we lunch, I nap. We go home, have a play and it's supper and bedtime.

Today we had Auntie Amy and young Ellie to visit so I did my very best to postpone a nap or two in order to entertain. Thankfully that was the only part of my routine that was disrupted; sure enough, at about lunchtime we went for a walk round the shops.

Mummy is still banned by Daddy from buying me any new clothes. Santa did me ok though, so I'm not down to my last threadbare vest just yet. But Auntie Amy is under no such pressure and so bought Ellie lots of nice outfits.

When we got home I realised just how much Ellie loves her fashion. When she's not modeling the latest in haute couture pour le bebe, she's content simply to watch it spin around in the washing machine. Oh la lah.

I hope that's non-bio in there.

AMK

I am Just Going Outside and May be Some Time

2010-01-10T19:00:00.004Z

We ventured out into the harsh frozen wasteland of Berkshire yesterday. As brave old Captain Oates said when he was larking about with Scott and his chums on their way to the South Pole, Daddy warned us we could be some time. The temperatures round Henley have recently dropped to a frost bitten -17 degrees: positively antarctic! And with more snow forecast we were prepared for a prolonged stay.

Fortunately, we were kept nice and toasty by the warmth of some Tassell hospitality (they'd had the heating on all day, you see). Uncle Steve and Auntie Sarah bought me a mobile phone for Christmas: it has cat, dog and mouse on pre-programmed speed dial. Daddy's not a fan because it makes noises and doesn't seem to have an off button (afterall, who knows when cat, dog or mouse might call?).

I sloped off to bed early after playing games with Eva and Zac but was kept awake by the grown-ups playing Rock Band for hours. If only one of them had some ryhthm.

The promised snow didn't come overnight so we came home after breakfast without a hitch, but the wind is up and it feels cold enough to freeze my milk.

If our antipodean chums would just send over a few of their gassy sheep, I'm sure we'd have the temperature back up in no time.

AMK

Drop the Bandit

2010-01-09T22:40:00.001Z

Wassup Officer? 'Course I is over 18 innit. You fink I should Nudge or Hold?

Aye. Innit.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2010-01-08T19:35:00.000Z

It's been a couple of weeks since Father Christmas completed the Wimborne, Cardiff, Teddington circuit. Although the wrapping paper kept me entertained for a while, I've now had time to have a good play with my other new things.

Up until now, most of my toys have been soft and tend to rattle or squeak when I bash them hard enough. But tastes change and one must learn to set aside childish things, so now I prefer great lumps of plastic fuelled by double As. My current favourite is my v-tech ball: it flashes and sings and even rolls around in circles on its own. At some point soon I'll be able to chase it around the room.

But while my plastic ball was a fine choice by Santa, this week I'll be recommending my Brio toys. I have a train (thank you Caroline!), a helicopter and a turtle and all of them have a terrific action, without the need for batteries.

They're all wooden, you see, and rely on simple movements and a bit of push or pull power from yours truly.

It's true, I'm not quite big enough to play with them properly on my own but Daddy assures me they're excellent fun. I think the giraffemight be on order and when that arrives I'll make up my mind whether the animals or the machines will rule.

AMK

Food is an Important Part of a Balanced Diet

2010-01-06T21:19:00.001Z

Today was the day Mummy decided I couldn't live on milk alone. The pictures below recount the episode of my first serious tussle with solids.

The unknowing anticipation

The battle. Where's my bloody bottle??

The bill please.

Was That A Landing Captain, or Were we Shot out of the Sky?

2010-01-02T19:04:00.005Z

My new hero is Michael Palin. Or Paul Theroux. Hmmm, maybe even Columbus himself if he wasn't so Spanish. You see, now I've completed by maiden voyage I can honestly say I have the travel bug. (Not to be confused with my other bug, which has now gone after finishing that disgusting yellow medicine.)

I've already traveled far and wide in the car, but this was my first sojourn via aeroplane. Despite some practice on Grandpa's Wii, nothing could have prepared me for the rumble of the engines and the thrill of the take-off. That said, I was asleep for most of the flight there and back. Here's the plane that flew us across the Channel (hoorah for Aurigny - which other airline would allow their planes to wear big Santa hats at Christmas??).

My grand journey to Guernsey was a triumph. I met the locals who made me feel very welcome; experienced some of the local customs (walking on the beach after lunch); picked up a bit of the lingo (eh?); and also took in some places and points of interest (my favourite being The Rockmount). Here I am with my Guernsey friends Archie and Coco. It's a shame young Joe didn't make the picture but I'm sure I'll see him again too.

Auntie Danny lives on Guernsey's neighbouring island, Jersey. I might go there next, although my Guernsey chums tell me it's full of crapauds which doesn't sound very nice at all.

AMK

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T18:15:00.005Z

So, that was the year that was. Roll on 2010!

Here's a toast to all that this next year might bring.

Here's hoping it brings me back to The Rockmount for another pint of Monty's and a catch-up with my new chums Archie and Coco.

AMK

Chocks Away!

2009-12-31T14:58:00.003Z

Here I am with Mummy at Gatwick before my maiden flight. As you can see, we're both trying to summon-up a little Dutch courage for the trip.

Stand by front-gunner, were going over.

AMK

Jacksons Five. Kerrs Three.

2009-12-28T20:29:00.005Z

Here I am with three of the Jackson Five. After a slow meander over the river we met up with the Jacksons for a Bank Holiday sup. We had a few games of charades and a couple of drinks - the perfect end to a lovely festive break.

From left to right we have Benjamin, William, Daddy, Me and Amber. And in the front we have my empty bottle and Daddy's empty pint glass (like father like son).

They're all moving house soon. I'm not sure how far Thames Ditton is, but I hope it's not too far - I'd like to hang out with the Jackson Five more often. But wherever it is, I'll be there (I'll find a way).

AMK

Merry Christmas! (Part III)

2009-12-26T19:49:00.002Z

Yes, today marked my festive hattrick: day 3 of my Christmas extravaganza. After a lovely sunny morning at Nanna and Grandad's, we headed home and made it in super quick time. No sooner had I given my elephants a slap in the chops we were home (a mere 2 hour doze in the meantime helped the journey fly by).

This was the third and final Christmas day - an afternoon for me, M&D to kick back and relax en famille. I bought Mummy some make-up and Daddy some gloves. (Because I still struggle to verbalise my thoughts and actions, however, they took credit for my generosity. Pah!)

Despite the strange customs and excessive build-up, I like Christmas. Not sure I'll always have three every year, but all-in-all my first Christmas has been a bloomin' great one. Amen.

AMK

Merry Christmas! (Part II)

2009-12-25T19:02:00.007Z

I woke up tired and a tad irritable this morning after a restless night. M&D had the bare-faced cheek to sleep in my room here at Nanna and Grandad's, you see, so I barely slept a wink. Mummy makes noises like jungle animals and Daddy makes endless trumpet sounds, so I lay awake and played with elephant for much of the night.

Still, it is Christmas. And now I know what all the fuss is about - what a jolly old day! After the snow, wind and rain of recent days, the sun came out: sun (yes, sun!) over Cardiff Bay just goes to show that Christmas is indeed a special day. Not only that, but there were lots of nice things all hidden in nice paper - gifts for all of us to open.

I needed a little bit of help but I had great fun ripping open my pressies and chewing the paper. Most of my presents were either clothes, which I don't need today, or toys that I'm not allowed to play with until I have full control over my hands. So the paper was the most fun.

Pretty soon we were all drowning in the stuff as the pressies flowed. Shirts, socks and bloomin' great hunks of bright plastic lay all about the place. Then the food started: Nanna did a great job of keeping the others placated and welded to the arm chairs by weighing them down with endless supplies of tip top grub.

I abstained from the gluttony (this yellow medecine has put me right off my milk) and kicked back with a book on the balcony. The Snowman didn't make it to Wales this year, but to be honest I'm glad.

AMK

Bye Bye Borders

2009-12-24T14:03:00.003Z

At this time of supposed cheer and goodwill I'd just like to spare a thought for my friends at Borders. Many happy hours have been spent in that lovely shop: supping milk, chatting with my friends and thumbing-through a few books. Mummy even bought one once.

And I guess that was always the problem - for us regulars it was like a library, a public service. So small wonder it went out of business, but such a shame that it happened on Christmas Eve for all those nice people that worked there.

I guess Mummy and me will have to while away our afternoons elsewhere now. I'm hoping it might be next door in the Young's pub.

AMK

Little Joe gets RAMT'd

2009-12-20T21:57:00.002Z

Further evidence that Christmas is indeed a strange time. For decades, so it seems, the great British public has cheered home the x-factor winner to a festive Number 1 in the charts.

Not so in 2009, pop pickers. Thanks to Jon Morter and his Facebook campaign, the nation was kept guessing until the 11th hour; and today it was Tom Morello and chums who stood triumphant over the dull, sullen corpse of poor little Joe's debut single with the cheerfully entitled "Killing in the Name".

Sony BMG are winners all round, given they represent both 'artists', but it's one in the eye for Cowell and his cronies nevertheless - if nothing else it goes to show Christmas isn't a God-given right (unless your name is Jesus).

AMK

Merry Christmas! (Part I)

2009-12-20T14:21:00.006Z

Well, the folks were up at silly o'clock this morning - not to probe and rattle their presents but to check out the damage to their cars. Despite parking on a private gated drive, you can still wake up to a ding in your rear-end and a letter of apology pinned to your front door. What is the world coming to?

After the cursing and moaning, however, they remembered that today was the day of goodwill to all men and so we had a little sit down and a glass of some fizzy juice.

Soon the world was alright again and we settled down to some Christmas fun and frolics. This included the unwrapping of some top-drawer presents and the slow cooking of a giant rib of beef. If only I was on solids, mmmmmm.

By mid-afternoon I'd developed a certain sympathy for my friend Billy, however. As you can see from the picture below, it seems that it's tradition to dress small boys in red polyester regalia at this time of year. I can only be thankful that GG and Gramps only had a hat, and that I was spared the full ensemble.

The other thing to note from this picture is that my hands truly are gargantuan (look at GG's right shoulder).

By evening I'd also had my first taste of a computer game. When Daddy was a young lad he got to play Pong, which sounds appropriately pre-pubescent. My first taste of computer games, however, was whistling down a ski jumpand leaping 114 metres. My cheeks were virtually (ahem) chapped by the time I'd ski-ploughed to a halt. And as a result I now really need a Wii (yes, it was THAT exciting).

Roll on next Christmas (yes, Grandpa, that's a hint!)

AMK

My First Christmas. (Of Three.)

2009-12-19T14:13:00.002Z

Here we are in happy old Wimbers once again, visiting GG and Grandpa. This time is special though as we're having an early Christmas - my chance to find out what all the fuss is about.

There's snow on the ground, a tree in the hall (much nicer than our dead twig at home), sweets in pots never more than an arm's length away and a GIANT new tele to watch things on. Ho ho ho indeed!

I got so excited this afternoon that I tried to put my entire fist in my mouth. Nearly succeeded too if it wasn't for the fact my hands are so ruddy big.

Roll on tomorrow (our faux Christmas Day), when I'll get to see if the fat red-suited burglar makes it (which will be nothing short of a miracle given GG and Grandpa have got a gas fire).

AMK

Nine Girls. One of Me. I'd Call that Pimms O'Clock.

2009-12-17T11:09:00.004Z

I've now got lots of friends, all of whom I've known pretty much my whole life. Most of them are girls, which I think is pretty cool, although Daddy seems to think this will be a problem when I'm about 8 and again when I'm about 16 (albeit for different reasons both times). But I hope these problems won't be too bad and that we stay life-long chums.

Today I met up with Ellie, Toes and Sophie at Auntie Zoe and Uncle Morph's house for a pre-Christmas catch-up. Presents were exchanged and I got some plastic cups that stack: stacking cups. But the most exciting thing we all had to play with was Cinnamon the puppy. (Just like friends, a dog is for life not just for Christmas.)

It was Tabitha Toes' second Christmas so she told me all about it. I think she was making a lot of it up though - some likely tale about a burglar who breaks-in via the chimney and leaves more than he takes.

This time next week I guess we'll all know what really happens. And this time next year we'll all be able to tell any new babies about Santa the bungling thief.

AMK

Talent Shines Through. Personality Loses Out.

2009-12-13T22:47:00.001Z

So that's it for another year: the X-factor winner has been crowned for 2009. The young lad from the North East (I forget his name) won a less than memorable title after The Afghan Hound, Butlins Boy and 'The Mouth' failed to ignite the public interest. My money had been on Jedward but sadly they never recovered from the Ghostbusters debacle.

Still, Mr Cowell got to the top of the entertainment money leagues: here he is thanking the Great British public. While 19 million viewers were tuned into the light channel, however, I was watching the Sports Personality of the Year show with the other 14 people. It was a good job the nation was looking elsewhere - they muddled up the prizes, you see. That Welsh footballer chap with the beady eyes was down for a lifetime achievers award (he's 84 afterall) but scooped the top prize. So poor old Jenson Button was left with the runners-up trophy and a speech that no one got to hear.

Here he is being consoled by a dear friend. All things considered, I'd rather have been a runner-up too.

AMK

Santa Billy

2009-12-13T13:52:00.002Z

More reasons to think that Christmas is a funny old time of year. My usually sensible and stylish friend Billy was in a very strange get-up today.

We were over at his house again this afternoon so M&D could eat mince pies and drink funny-smelling warm wine with their friends, when Billy made an appearance wearing a little red suit that crackled when he walked.

I hope this is only a temporary fashion faux pas and that he'll soon be back to his normal self.

AMK

Now That's a Tree

2009-12-12T20:46:00.003Z

Saw my old chum Billy today. His Christmas Tree is much better than mine: a black mark against Daddy I'm afraid.

Mummy looks lovely. But I'm worried that Daddy is going to turn me into a mini version of him (note my jeans and silly shirt, and his).

AMK

Daddy's a Lumberjack. Not sure he's Alright.

2009-12-06T20:14:00.005Z

It's December now. It's a peculiar month, by all accounts; a lot of strange things are happening, but no one but me seems at all bothered.

I am trying to watch Sean the bloomin' Sheep here!

Take today for instance. Adelaide and Damien came to visit, which was nice. Adelaide has a baby in her tummy so I took the opportunity to pass on a few words of wisdom. Daddy and Damien, meanwhile, popped out only to return with a dead tree. Daddy seemed to think I'd be delighted about this. Silly man. It sits there in the corner of the room getting in the way of the tele.

I shall keep my eye out for more peculiar behaviour and will report back.

AMK

My Left Foot.

2009-12-03T21:04:00.002Z

M&D know a Guernian who went to Australia and became a Yogi Master. Ross Despres, eat your heart out my friend.

AMK

AMK vs Zoolander

2009-11-30T20:50:00.005Z

Proof enough: here I am sporting my label of choice. Not only that, I've mastered my own version of Blue Steel.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

2009-11-29T20:26:00.011Z

Underneath my cot there are three big boxes full of my old clothes. I'm four months old.

Now I'm a boy of style and taste, hence the storage issues (fashion is a fickle mistress), but Daddy is a tramp. According to him my sartorial pride will always come second to the appetite of the moths in his wallet, which is why he's banned Mummy from buying me any new clothes.

Thankfully, Mummy has discovered a loophole in this draconian dictat from heir Daddy: Teddington has a super cool baby-wear charity shop called Fara! All the people in Tedders who are less miserly than Daddy donate their clothes to Fara and then all the people who are misers - like Daddy - come and buy them. This means the posh people feel all virtuous, the misers are happy 'cos they get a bargain, and - more importantly - the children of Romania get a helping hand courtesy of Fara.

So, the first recommendation of the week goes to Fara and their lovely kids shop in Teddington.

But that's not all. After picking up a fine selection of cast offs I can now recommend my label of choice. Now, if it were up to Daddy I'd be wearing sensible, comfortable and cheap clothes - quite possibly sportswear akin to the tat sold and modelled by this awful man.

My clothing brand of choice, however, comes from the same nation as all the finest fashion houses. Unlike the ape Ashley and his shell suits and replica football tops, I'd like to think Saint Laurent himself might have gurgled and giggled in Petit Bateau. Without wanting to go all Gok Wan, the cut of even their vests is exquisite. So despite Daddy's ban, as long as Fara are peddling used French fashion I'll be looking a million dollars. Or eight million francs. Mangetout.

Then there's always noaddedsugar.com for when I'm feeling a little more street.

AMK

Strewth! Was that You Dolly?

2009-11-29T19:40:00.006Z

With the highest rainfall on record anywhere in the UK, Cockermouth in Cumbria has just suffered terrible floods.

Apparently the world is getting warmer, which means it rains more and we've all got to do our bit to keep it cool. That includes cutting down the number of times we go to warm places on holiday. Confused? Wait 'til you hear this.

About 16% of Australia's greenhouse emissions come from agriculture, so Aussie scientists have said they are hoping to breed sheep that burp less as part of their effort to tackle climate change. (Depsite popular belief, burping is a far greater cause of emissions in sheep than flatulence, so they say.) Experiments will help them understand whether excessive belching is genetic, in which case they can breed less gassy varieties.

I suggest they simply stop taking their livestock to the pub and start weening them off the amber nectar.

AMK

Shake, Rattle and Roll

2009-11-27T19:34:00.001Z

It turns out I'm not the only thing to emerge from inside Mummy this year.

Now that I've lost all but the least squemish of my readers, I shall expand. As noted in an earlier entry we discovered that Mummy has lots of stones in her belly. A very galling state of affairs, apparently, that made her tummy hurt lots.

So today we all went off to the hospital - not mine but another one that looks like a giant pub from the outside. (This made her feel a little less worried and actually quite excited.) We stayed for a while and watched Deal or no Deal in Mummy's room. The nurse came in and wanted to play with me, but frankly she was getting in the way of Noel and I was glad when she'd put Mummy's funny socks on for her and left.

But then Daddy and me had to go home. The poor old soul had to do my tea and get me bathed and ready for bed. After turning the house upside down and making a bit of a hash of things, Auntie Stephanie arrived and saved the day. I like playing with my Auntie and Daddy's not so bad really. But I miss my Mummy.

AMK

POST SCRIPT: I can confirm Operation BoulderDash has been a success! I was promised a rattle afterwards, made with the very stones themselves. It turns out, however, there were enough boulders in there to build a rockery!

Lost & Found

2009-11-27T18:56:00.000Z

Anyone seen that damned caterpillar?

AMK

Oh the Shame of It.

2009-11-22T19:47:00.004Z

There are those who set trends. And there are others who follow. Although I admit there won't be many people following my 'Gay Pirate' look, it seems my hair-do is having an effect on popular culture. Sadly, the imitators are the half-witted talentless-twins from the X-factor talent show: John and Edward, aka 'Jedward'.

Time for reinvention. Perhaps a 'fro?

AMK

Just Monkeying Around

2009-11-22T19:18:00.003Z

It's the weekend at last. After 5 days of lunching with the ladies it's a chance for me to spend some bloke time with the old boy. Or so I thought. By the time I'd awoken from my mid-morning nap, Daddy had disappeared to play golf again. Yawn.

Still, I had a splendid time with some of Mummy's friends from her glamarous agency days. Darling! Luke and Catherine came to visit with Holly, who I let play with my stuff and steal just a little bit of the limelight. She was very nice and we had a tip top time.

After my new friends had left I'd virtually given up hope on spending any time with Daddy when he re-appeared, all down in the mouth after hitting his ball far too many times. But within just a short while we were off to see Billy and his Mummy and Daddy for some fun. Over in downtown Kingston (it's a bit rough but I like it), we arrived at their nice big house and got down to playtime in no time. Billy let me play with his toys and even let me have a bath in his bath at bathtime (as I went first I shared a pearl of wisdom from Great-Grandpa: 'don't drink your bathwater').

After me and Billy went to sleep, it seems the old folk had a late supper and played games until it was up-time. M&D looked a bit green in the morning, so while Billy watched TV I monkeyed around in the kitchen with my new chum.

AMK

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane?

2009-11-16T18:51:00.005Z

Today was the last day of our trip abroad. Wales seems a fine place although if you stay too long there's a jolly good chance you'll develop webbed toes. I fear Nanna has been there just a few days too long already. You see, early this morning the sun battled through the dismal, grey mizzle for a fleeting second; forgetting what it was, her first reaction was to shield me from the great ball of flame in the sky. It was very courageous of Nanna but entirely unnecessary: another day without any sunshine and the lack of vitamin E would have surely led to the early onset of rickets.

We're all going back for Christmas, which will be fun. Auntie Stephanie will be there too and I'm hoping she might take me out on a boat. And if everyone wants mackerel for Christmas breakfast, I'll see if I can convince Grandad to get his fishing rods out.

AMK

Who Needs an Ark?

2009-11-14T20:43:00.001Z

To escape the floods that would purge the world of all evil, God tipped-off old Noah and suggested he might build a bloomin' great boat. With the rains lashing down today I thought some sort of flood contingency would be sensible, but didn't have the tools or parts to fashion a giant ark.

The next best thing, of course, was to learn how to swim. So I popped on my new trunks and went splish-splashing about in the pool under Nanna and Grandad's flat; after a few lengths of butterfly, here I am having a little rest.

AMK

Over the Bridge and Far Away.

2009-11-13T19:03:00.001Z

Today Mummy and me arrived in Cardiff. It's in Wales, which is a long way away - even further than Norfolk. We had to pay to drive over a big bridge, which seemed unfair given how people leaving to get to England can cross for free.

By the time we got to Nanna and Grandad's I was pretty hacked off (Mummy got lost somewhere between Morrison's and Toys'r'Us) but Nanna was on hand to make everything alright again. Grandad and Daddy, meanwhile, had to battle the elements and unpack the car full of all my things (really must remember to tip).

It was nice to see everyone again. (It turns out Daddy spent his 'me time' drinking beer courtesy of Channel 4 and traveling all the way to Edinburgh to watch 'A Christmas Carol' at the cinema. Ha!) Nanna and Grandad live in a nice big flat over-looking the bay where all the boats are. Largely because it was blowing a big hoolie, we decided to stay indoors and watch the racing at Cheltenham. Here's Grandad and me cheering on Loosen my Load in the 1.15.

Sadly for Grandad, the excitement of it all did exactly that.

AMK

Wimborne Book Festival. Sort of.

2009-11-12T19:35:00.001Z

6 Whiteways is fast becoming a home from home for me - a country retreat where I can pursue my interests and hobbies away from the cut and thrust of city life. While taxidermy, model making and fencing are still very much on my 'things to do' list, reading is currently my number 1 pastime.

Daddy has encouraged me to read the great French thinkers (Goscinny and Sempe mostly), while Mummy is keen I take part in the many cultural debates of the day by leaving me copies of Ok and Heat. But in all honesty, you can't beat a good yarn about animals told in a maximum of 10 words and published on cloth.

Here's GG helping me flick through my current favourite (although I caught her out reading it back-to-front here - you can't kid a kidder, or a kiddie).

AMK

Talk to Me Goose

2009-11-11T19:18:00.004Z

Well, it seems Mummy has sent Daddy off packing for more 'me time' so we made a dash down to Dorset to see GG and Grandpa. So far it's been a lot more jolly than last time as it's only been me doing sicks and poos.

I spent some time this evening with Grandpa, who was telling me all about his time in the Royal Air Force. The Queen gave him a medal once for not ejecting and saving one of her planes when it was in trouble.

Here he is re-telling it blow by blow, but thankfully he stopped short of throwing me through the ceiling.

I tried to explain to him that there's a chap in TopGun named after me who has a nasty ejector seat incident, but I'm still struggling to articulate my words and I think it was lost on him.

AMK

I Forgot my Sling and Stones. No Matter.

2009-11-08T10:45:00.003Z

As I spend a lot of time biffing-up my giraffe, elephant and lion, Daddy thought I'd like to watch this video clip. It shows David Haye (our boy) taking on the Russian giant Nikolai Valuev (I'll let you work out who's who).

Haye overcame the imposing physical threat of the Russian, not to mention the immense psychological challenge, by running quickly round the ring. This frenzied dashing, ducking and diving seems to have bored the giant thus giving Haye the occasional opportunity to punch his knees. After going the 12 rounds, this tactic earned our lad a clever points victory and the WBA Heavyweight Champion title.

Bravo "Hayemaker"!

AMK

P.S. To give Mr Haye full credit, it seems he broke his hand in the third round by foolishly punching Valuev in the face: "His head was like a giant brick"!

Everyone's a Critic. Including Me, it Seems.

2009-11-07T11:27:00.001Z

Thank you, dear reader, for taking part in the great vote. You have now given me a mandate to bore you with my musings on things and to recommend them to you. I suspect "Which?" magazine will soon be deferring to this blog before making any rash verdicts on their own.

What does AMK recommend this week? The Poppy Appeal.

AMK

Anyone Seen My Caterpillar?

2009-11-04T22:14:00.002Z

NCT: New Children in Training

2009-11-03T21:43:00.002Z

This life, it's a daunting thing. There's just so much to do, to learn, to understand - for both Mummy and me.

Thankfully, we're not in this alone: we have a special gang! Before I made my grand entrance back in July, Mummy went to special baby lessons with 4 other ladies. Daddy went along too apparently, but only for the tea and biscuits.

The lessons were all very well but from what I remember on the big day, I don't think M&D were calmly discussing the syllabus; the best thing about NCT is having ready-made friends. Here I am with Hannah and Felix. Felix is the one who's in training to be an opera singer.

Like X-Men, we all have different powers and together we are a formidale force. Christy can roll over at will; Hannah sleeps whenever and wherever she wants, irrespective of the (DIY) noise around her; Lana can stop people in their tracks with her cheeky smile; Felix can lock his legs and pretend to stand up; and I can issue disapproving frowns.

There are gangs like ours all over. But we've got Borders in Kingston on lock down - you better watch yo self.

AMK

Yes We Can.

2009-10-31T18:52:00.004Z

Change. It's a frightening and wonderful thing. Please be kind enough to vote on my new survey; having a little direction should help me evolve this little blog of mine and stop me waffling aimlessly on from one entry to the next.

Most kind,

AMK

It's Not all Work, Work, Work (at Least I Hope Not)

2009-10-29T20:26:00.006Z

Samuel Johnson once said, apparently, that when a man is tired of London he is tired of life. Today I got my first taste of the Big Smoke and so far I think old Sam was onto something, despite Mummy trying to make it as boring as possible. You see, with all the incredible adventures to be had in our fair capital, all we did was visit Mummy's work and then Daddy's office. Dull, dull, dull.

My first adventure on a train was relatively unremarkable. After Mummy lugged me and my buggy up all the stairs at Hampton Wick we boarded successfully and chugged to Victoria. The train is a funny place during the day - it seems full of college students, old people and the insane.

Once we arrived at Victoria a nice man helped us get down some stairs before we made a dash for Mummy's work where we met her Capita friends. It was nice to meet them all but I think it was strange for Mummy. At least I'll be able to imagine what she's up to once I'm at nursery and she's back earning the pennies. After a nice long natter with the girls, we made a dash along the river to see Daddy.

Daddy works for a bank so I was expecting his work friends to be wearing braces and looking glum. Thankfully they were just the opposite - no braces to be seen and plenty of smiles. Auntie Caroline took me for a stroll round the office; I issued a few suggestions and recommended that one trader move his krugerrands out of lichtenstein before I realised that Daddy works in marketing and isn't a proper banker at all (he does little more then play 'spot the difference' all day long, except when he's got his colouring pens out).

All three of us then wondered back to Waterloo before hopping on the train home. This time it was full of commuters - all silent, surly and sleepy (I prefer the insane and unemployed). I enjoyed my day today and now I know what this "work" thing has in store. But all things considered, it rather gets in the way of enjoying London.

AMK

3 Months Old Today

2009-10-27T21:37:00.001Z

A quarter to one.

AMK

Kingston Junior Book Club

2009-10-26T21:40:00.006Z

Billy and me joined a book club today. The plan was to act all cultured in order to check out girls. Unfortunately, it was only the two of us so we actually had to read a book. Lorks a lordy.

It was a simple story about a singing farmer. Young Billy seemed to enjoy it, but if you ask me Old MacDonald is nothing short of insane.

AMK

Toy Boy

2009-10-23T22:21:00.003+01:00

I've not been on my own for more than the 6 minutes it takes Mummy to get showered and dressed in the morning (unless you count night times in my cot). But it seems that the older you get the more time you need on your own - at least that's what Mummy told Daddy. We left him on his own for a day or two so he could do some work and have a beer with Uncle Phil.

I don't get it. I can't get enough of seeing my chums and meeting new people. Here I am meeting up with my girl Sophie at GG and Grandpa's house. We always have fun, although here's clear evidence she's trying to steal my caterpillar. Sophie is 6 months old now and I'm only just about to be 3; one day I shall remind her that one day she was double my age.

AMK

Flyweight to Featherweight

2009-10-19T23:50:00.002+01:00

Daddy's still hanging around the place, but I hear he's going back to work tomorrow to leave Mummy and me in peace. But while he's here I guess it is quite nice to troop around, the three of us.

This afternoon we went to the clinic where the nice ladies strip me off and put me in the big silver dish for the weigh-in. After a slow start it now seems I'm packing on the pounds and am no longer in the runner bean category. Smiles all round.

Everyone there is nice - Mummy always makes friends and I check out the other boys and girls. (Daddy said it's good that only Mummies and babies tend to go to the weigh-in; if it was full of Daddies then it would become ultra competitive.)

This morning wasn't so great. Poor Mummy had to go to the hospital where the doctor told her she's definitely got stones in her tummy and will have to have an operation.

If I'd known they were in there I could have brought them out with me back in July.

AMK

And I Want a Bike and a Monkey and a Friend for the Monkey

2009-10-19T19:18:00.005+01:00

When my hair is spikey, old ladies will cross the road to come and touch it. Cars stop in the street, people wave and cheer. I look damn good, what can I say.

But today, just for a moment, I lost my spikes. My hair went floppy and Daddy said I turned into Ralph Wiggum.

Daddy goes back to work tomorrow and I'm glad.

AMK

We're in Cardigans and Ready to Rock

2009-10-18T20:41:00.007+01:00

I felt like Braveheart today: I issued a rallying cry and Clan Kerr descended onto Teddington to ruffle up the locals and to belatedly announce my arrival properly. Nanna and Grandad were the first to arrive but neither were in kilts and I'm pretty certain Grandad hadn't painted his bottom blue. (But he was wearing a cardigan that matched mine, which I thought was cool.)

Auntie Stephanie came too. I always like seeing my auntie; she makes me chuckle and we have a nice play. But the biggest surprise was meeting Great Auntie Ave and Great Uncle Mike (Nanna said Ave would love to be called Great Auntie).

Daddy cooked a great big feast for everyone (except me, as usual). Ave is very loud and jolly and tells good jokes. I sat on her knee and we had a good old chat before we all took a stroll down to the river.

I like being part of the Kerr Clan. And I'm glad we wear cardigans and not kilts.

AMK

Phileas Fogg has Nothing on Me

2009-10-16T21:03:00.005+01:00

According to Giles Whittell writing for The Times "the skies were cleared over much of Colorado yesterday when a homemade flying saucer broke free of its tether and soared for two hours along the edge of the Rockies as rescuers chased it on the ground and in the air, believing a six-year-old boy was inside.

The US Air Force and the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) were alerted and two helicopters of the Colorado Air National Guard mobilised to chase the balloon.

The FAA drew up plans to pluck it from the sky with hoists such as those designed during the Cold War for the mid-air recovery of returning space capsules. It also considered using a microlight for a mid-air rescue or even ordering Air National Guard helicopters to try to force the balloon down with the downdraft from their rotors.

The balloon’s 40-mile flight was followed so closely by emergency services that they were on the scene within seconds when it finally touched down. A sheriff’s deputy sprinted across a ploughed field and grabbed a tether to prevent it becoming airborne again. Rescue workers were dreading what they would find inside.

They soon had their answer: nothing. For Falcon Heene had been safe at home all along, hiding in a box in the attic over his father’s garage."

It's uncanny, but our chum Falcon has since been approached by Disney to promote their new 3D animated extravaganza 'Up'. I wonder whether that was the motivation behind Mummy buying me my very own helium balloon?

AMK

Hello Bears. Hello Bed. Hello Home.

2009-10-16T19:29:00.009+01:00

Norfolk is a jolly old place. I've now seen the sea, trod the boards of Cromer Pier, hitched a ride across Holkham sands and this afternoon I even made friends with the locals in the Vernon Arms.

Sitting next to the roaring fire in an old Chesterfield, I was chatting to Daddy over a pint of Old RumbleGuts when one bearded fellow in work boots asked me for a dose of my gripe water; it seems one of his chums was suffering a little heartburn. A sachet of Gaviscon later and we were all as thick as thieves.

All good things must eventually come to an end though, and today we packed up the car and headed home. We got as far as Hertford and had a stop-over at Auntie Sophie's to see her and Tabitha Toes. Auntie Amy and Ellie were there too, which meant we had enough people to make it a party. There was food and drink flying around the place (literally) and I got to spend some qualiy time with my girls (Ellie, the minx, was wearing a very flirty outfit and wouldn't stop trying to hold my hand).

Just before we left, I couldn't help but over-hear plenty of adult talk about my captain, my weasle, my winky - a pitfall of being the only chap in the gang.

So, here we are, back at home. I will look back on my first holiday with fond, fond memories and I hope to go back to see my friends in the Vernon soon. Now it's off to my own bed, my bears and a good night's sleep.

AMK

AMK is on Vacation. Again.

2009-10-12T22:06:00.002+01:00

1 Day, 2 New Friends and 3 New Counties

2009-10-12T19:50:00.001+01:00

This time last year M&D were on a big adventure. Exploring sunny San Francisco, pootling through the Napa Valley, driving up into the mountains to gamble in Tahoe and generally having a grand old time state-side.

This year, largely thanks to yours truly, they chose to holiday a little more close to home. After agonising over the options, it finally came down to taking a caravan on the Isle of Wight or a cottage in Norfolk.

So here we are in East Anglia outside the little cottage that will be home for a week.

As previously mentioned, I do have the Rolls Royce of buggies but for some reason Daddy decided to ignore it and strap me to his chest. It was very jolly going for a stroll with him around the village, although it was completely humiliating meeting the locals dressed like a freakin' pixie.

The trip up here was a jolly one. I slept in the car, surrounded by stuff (there wasn't a single cubic centimetre of space not taken up with my things), but we took a pit-stop in Essex to see Auntie Kimbers and young Henry. Us boys got on like a house on fire; we broke the ice by discussing the fluke result of the recent Arsenal/Rovers match (6-2) before playing with his toys and chillaxing in front of the TV. M&D and Auntie K just ate cake. I hope to see them again soon and meet Uncle Phil, but it won't be long before all us boys are going to gigs.

AMK

Fitness First

2009-10-10T21:36:00.006+01:00

It's important to treat one's body with respect: to exercise regularly and to consume good stuff only in moderation. I think it's fair to say that I do both but there are those in my crew who take it to a whole new level.

My friend Billy, for example, celebrated his second birthday by going to the gym. Fanatic! We all rocked up and to 'celebrate' we were put through our paces by a cross between Valerie Singleton (all child-friendly bonhomie) and Rosemary Conley (all ill-fitting spandex and constant under-lying threat of physical violence). I sat out for most of it and eyed-up the cake with Daddy.

But it was all very motivating and it's since encouraged me to join up a local roller-skating club. If you watch closely you can see me throwing some shapes in the background.

And that's just fuelled by water. You should see us after a pint.

AMK

Bonjour tout le monde!

2009-10-07T20:50:00.007+01:00

Apparently it's a small world out there: the entire globe is no more than a village, so they say. Teddington's a village and it feels pretty big to me, so I'm confused. But when the time comes to experience foreign climes I'm going to be prepared - I will become a cosmopolitan man of the world.

It dawned on me today, however, that some of my friends are already well on their way to developing a broader global view. Alice and Harriet, for example, have the benefit of being bought-up bi-lingual. Alice already speaks English and French (sacre bleu!), which is very clever. Harriet, meanwhile, also speaks English and Blackburn. Ask her where the nearest cashpoint is and she'll direct you to the closest ATM and/or the local hole'ith'wall!

CORRECTION: I've been reliably informed that Harriet is tri-lingual. You see, Auntie Karen is teaching her to speak Staines Massif, aye innit.

I will ask Nathalie to teach me how to speak Frenchy so I can read my Nicholas and the Gangbooks as they were written. Mangetout.

AMK

It's not all Me, Me, Me. (At Least not all of the Time.)

2009-10-03T19:15:00.006+01:00

Celebrating one’s birth day is entirely acceptable and something that friends and family should endorse and enjoy. Perhaps to mark a significant milestone, an entire weekend might be set aside for festivities. But Daddy is now into his fourth day of fun and frolics to celebrate an entirely inconsequential age; it all seems rather OTT if you ask me.

Today he disappeared off to play golf with Lauchlan “Hongi” Cameron and Stephen, his friend from work. I didn’t mind too much because it left me to spend a few hours with Mummy, Abi and Charlotte in Kingston (Daddy’s welcome to his sticks and balls!).

We all met up in the afternoon at home for some chow. I got to spend some time with everyone and tried hard not to have a little cry as all the attention got a bit much.

I suppose I should concede that the old boy has some nice friends and I shouldn't really begrudge him some playtime; him and Mummy would become very dull very quickly if it was all about me all of the time.

AMK

P.S. Stephen showed me how to flick up the collar on my polo shirt. He is a very stylish man.

Call me the Weatherman. Here's my Forecast.

2009-10-02T20:28:00.002+01:00

Daddy seems to be milking this birthday malarky, but I'm happy to tag along for the ride. You see, Nanna and Grandad came to visit today for a birthday dinner to celebrate Daddy getting even older and they bought mesome funky new threads.

While I didn't fancy digging into their supper, Nanna did give me my night time bottle. Cardiff is a long, long way away but when M&D finally get round to buying a big old house they can come and stay lots.

But that won't be for a while, sadly, if Daddy and Grandad are right (they're always moaning about the economy; they're never happier than when they're having a good moan). You see, according to Fitch, the ratings agency, recent gains in the main UK house price indices is only a temporary respite. The agency continues to expect that UK house prices will fall approximately 30% overall from the October 2007 peak. Prices are currently 13% down from that peak, having dipped as low as 19% down in Q1 2009.

The UK's average house price to income ratio remains significantly higher than the long term average, with the drag of rising unemployment, still yet to peak, and low wage inflation yet to be significantly reflected in house prices.

Furthermore, recent easing in credit availability may also prove to be temporary as Fitch expects lending appetite to be pro-cyclical with the performance of house prices and the credit performance of the underlying borrowers. The deep interest rate cuts of late 2008 have eased affordability for a large proportion of mortgage borrowers. This has in turn led to a stabilisation in major performance indices such as 3-months plus arrears and foreclosure rates. Although Fitch expects the UK base rate to remain at its current low level of 0.5% throughout 2010, rising unemployment could trigger deterioration in these performance indices. It is likely that mortgage lenders would respond by further tightening lending criteria.

Attractively priced funding over 80% loan-to-value (LTV) remains scarce, despite the fact that some lenders have recently increased the LTV limits at which they are prepared to lend. The average UK house price is approximately £162,000. If mortgage availability stabilises at current LTV limits, according to data from the Nationwide Building Society this would necessitate a first time buyer having approximately £32,000 in cash as a deposit to buy a house.

I might have to dip into my savings to help them out. But only if I get the biggest room.

AMK

AMK 9, Daddy 1716

2009-09-30T19:28:00.005+01:00

It's Daddy's birthday today. He was thrilled when Mummy worked out that while I'm just 9 weeks old (plus 2 days), Daddy is 1,716 weeks old.

We had a nice time celebrating with a trip to a restaurant by the lock, where I was a good boy the whole entire time. Daddy was wearing his new jacket that Auntie Stephanie bought him (we're all so tired of him dressing like a scruffy hobo), and I helped him re-arrange his golf sticks in his new bag. Sadly, he has all the gear but simply no idea.

It was a much better day than yesterday. Although it was fun going back to Kingston Hospital to see all my old chums, it did get a bit boring. But we had to go in order to get Mummy's tummy sorted out. They suspect she might have a stone in there, which sounds odd but apparently it's just a sign of too much good livin'. Bravo, I say.

AMK

It's a Jungle out There. And in My Room Too.

2009-09-27T20:46:00.006+01:00

Big day today: I'm flying the nest and moving out of M&D's room. I simply can't take any more of their snoring, fussing and hushed debates all through the night; a growing boy needs his sleep.

I insisted Daddy finish off my room by putting up some pictures and generally tidying up the place. Of course he almost made a great hash of it, but thankfully Mummy and Auntie Stephanie were on hand to keep him in check and I now have pictures of a lion, a zebra and a giraffe on my wall. In all honesty, it looks pretty damn good.

Auntie Stephanie and me had some fun while M&D were fretting about my room. She bought me a big Lion for my play mat, which I gave a good thrashing with my best right-left-right punch combos.

I'm looking forward to the time when I can get the train to see Auntie Stephanie on my own. I think we'll have lots of fun.

AMK

Posse Up, Let's Roll. Just Don't Give me no Hubbard.

2009-09-26T20:18:00.003+01:00

Some of my chums live life according to a strict regime: a routine adhered to with military precision and determination. If they don't eat on the hour, wee at quarter past, snooze for 20 minutes and then play for 18 minutes until bathtime then they get a wee bit cranky, a little tetchy.

These crazies generally follow Gina Fordin much the same way Travolta and Cruise subscribe utterly to Hubbard - it's a religion.

Thankfully, while M&D seem to like the idea of getting me into a 'flow' they're not controlling maniacs and sometimes we just roll. And today we rolled all the way to Purley after Auntie Lynne, Edward and The Doctor invited us over for a barbeque.

The Doctor and me go way back. I met him when just a young boy of 2 weeks, over at Royal Holloway, but this was the first time I'd been introduced to Auntie Lynne and Edward. I can now recommend the Ratas as thoroughly nice folk, who can lay on a tip top spread.

E-Dog (my name for young Edward, now he's in my crew), was very funny and we played some nice games on my mat. He's also got a radio controlled bird. M&D were easily amused by The Doctor's giant cinema screen, so all in all we had a tip top time and I can't wait to roll back to the Ratas again soon.

AMK

It's Not All Fun, Fun, Fun. Or Is It?

2009-09-24T19:31:00.011+01:00

It's very easy for Mummy and me to feel thoroughly hard done by. Daddy pops off to work each morning for a jolly old time, while we slog it out at home through a daily trauma of feeding, burps, feeding, play time, shopping, tidying up and lunching with the ladies.

All the while it seems that Daddy feels the same way; he claims that work is far from a daily doddle and deep down believes that we just lark about at home.

But the weight of evidence is on our side! You see, Daddy came home early today and thankfully Mummy and me were slogging away at our chores. Things are so tough, in fact, that even at 8 weeks old Mummy makes me help her out - as this picture demonstrates.

In all honesty, we're normally in front of Bargain Hunt and eating cake from 2pm until 6ish. Just don't tell Daddy.

AMK

Lights, Camera, Action

2009-09-22T19:46:00.003+01:00

Point of view movies come and go. Popular in the horror genre, they get you closer to the action. To that end, here's a clip that will hopefully make GG and Nana coo (although it may have the breast-feeding brigade up in arms).

To avoid the wrath of the censor, however, I have decided not to post the movie clip entitled 'Snot Stick'. I have a cold, you see, and aside from the drops and room atomisers there's a devlish invention that helps young dudes like me "evacuate excess mucas" with the help of a very brave parent.

In honesty, neither M or D fancy testing out this bit of kit and are happier to let me cough, splutter, snore and snort my way through the night.

I approve.

AMK

Keep Calm and Carry On

2009-09-21T20:56:00.003+01:00

Unless it's time for food and there's no sign of Mummy, I am the personification of peace and inner calm. Granted, there are times when I have a little cry or even a shout. But on the whole, I'm happy with my lot and am content to lie on my bear and have a little play.

According to a recent news article, my zen-like calm is a very good thing indeed. Unfortunately, the benefits are dependent on M&D following suit; but with Daddy back at work and Mummy looking after me all day long, there's plenty of opportunity for stress. (The latest hot topic of debate is my bedtime.)

But the silly thing? Well, M&D are going to read this and work themselves into a frenzy of worry as they try to remain peaceful and calm - the pressure of not stressing will create a tension like no other.

I'm just going to keep my head down and play with my toys.

AMK

Match of the Day? Me vs Giraffe.

2009-09-19T19:21:00.002+01:00

Like all son's fathers, mine's no different. When he's not encouraging me to listen to difficult music in the hope I might one day rock the world, he's testing my hand-eye co-ordination.

Frankly, until I've made up my own mind about how I shall conquer this world I'm going to keep my talents firmly hidden. But damn him! He caught me playing 'keepy-uppy' with giraffe on my mat today.

Shame he missed the complex punch combo I dished out on the red monkey just moments afterward.

AMK

Weening Today, Not Whining

2009-09-18T14:38:00.005+01:00

Today was the last day of my Dorset sojourn. Like all good things, this trip had to come to an end but it did so with a fine crescendo.

Mummy and me popped over to see Katie and Sophie before heading back home. Auntie Katie took all of us to a weening session where I met lots of other people my age. While the grown-up ladies talked about things a young man shouldn't need to hear, us young dudes gurgled, giggled and got to know one another.

Once back at Auntie Katie and Uncle Steve's house, Sophie and me had time to play. We had lots of fun on the mat, all caught on camera by Ms Spielberg-Lockett. The best bit was when me and Sophie held hands. Well, almost.

Too soon it was time to leave, but at least I got to see Daddy again tonight after he flew back from Newquay. I thought flying was rather extravagant but the silly man didn't realise it would take 164 hours to get home by train!

AMK

While the Cat's Away.

2009-09-16T17:13:00.002+01:00

Daddy's off today, leaving Mummy and me to have some fun until Friday. While he's holed-up in a chocolate factory in Cornwall, me and Mummy are off to Wimbers to see GG and Grandpa.

I'm somewhat of a celebrity in Wimborne now: there seems to be a never-ending stream of people wanting to pop in to see me, which is splendid. But as every theatrical agent will tell you, it's important to always leave your audience wanting more and unfortunately I may well now be suffering from over-exposure in Dorset.

You see, while we were walking around the square I got caught short and Mummy had to change my bum on the Minster lawn. She did nothing to hide my dignity, ensuring tourists and locals alike got a glimpse of more than just the clock tower.

Thankfully, the local paper is weekly so my indiscretion won't be plastered across the news-stands until we're back in The Wick. So upon arrival at the golf club, there were no ugly scenes. I met Judy and Jackie at The Dudsbury; they're friends of GG and when they're not slogging it out on the course, they're to be found slumming it in the clubhouse. Mummy had to prise me out of Judy's arms when it was time to leave.

Caroline and Finlay came to play later on. Finlay and me played with my toys on my mat while Caroline and Mummy talked about grown-up stuff. Boring. In the end though, they joined us boys but I really wish they hadn't - they insisted on singing us nursery rhymes. (You'd understand if you've ever heard Mummy sing.) Emma came round to play too and before long she was signing along too. Lorks a lordy.

Anyway, here I am trying to impress Finlay by shaking my left arm really fast. Judging by his reaction, I clearly need to raise my game when hanging out with the big boys.

The last visitor of the day (poor Grandpa has had his house turned into Picadilly Circus) was Pam, the nice lady who made me my woollen cardigan. Her talents don't start and end at knitting - she gave me a splendid cuddle and fed me my bottle.

Holidays really are terrific.

AMK

p.s. Grandpa seems to have upped his game since losing to Daddy a few weeks ago. Using it as a motivational spur, he's since won match after match and is now Seniors Champion! Bravo.

Happy Birthday Toes!

2009-09-15T22:55:00.002+01:00

So far in this short adventure I've been counting my age in weeks. To the uninitiated, a parent's ability to give their child's age in weeks, days and even hours is baffling, impressive and daunting. But to those in the know it's simply a case of needing a regular milestone, an achievable step back towards a modicum of normality.

I just think it's childish, which is why I'm pleased for Tabitha. She's the first one in our gang to hit the magic Year - happy birthday Toes! Mummy and me had a nice trip to Auntie Sophie's house today to wish the Tabster happy birthday in person. Mummy helped me make her a special birthday card and and a Rumble in the Jungle picture.

Things nearly turned awkward when Auntie Amy and Ellie arrived. You see, the card I made for Tabitha had a rather racey message inside, and the last thing I wanted was a 'scene' if Ellie clocked it. But then I remembered we're all too young to read anyway so crisis was averted.

We all had a jolly day together, I just hope we can all meet up again soon.

AMK

ps. If Auntie Amy or Auntie Sophie have any pics of the big day, pls send them to me at Angus.Kerr@live.co.uk

7 Weeks Old Today

2009-09-14T21:59:00.004+01:00

My mouth now does this strange thing whenever I'm happy. It turns up at the edges and sometimes it's accompanied by an involuntary squeak or gurgle.

AMK

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd. I Like Crowds.

2009-09-12T21:12:00.002+01:00

There's nothing quite like weekend mornings. The aroma of fresh coffee brewing and croissants warming in the oven; half a kilo of newspaper to wade through; sport previews on TV and nothing to do but chillax.

Daddy and me get up early on Saturday and Sunday to share some boy time. Today we played on my mat for a while, listened to some tunes and made Mummy some breakfast. I'm still finding it hard to make my arms move where I want them to, so I was content to sit back and oversee the proceedings.

Nanna & Grandad arrived with Auntie Joan later in the morning. It was the second time I've met Joan; she gives me splendid hugs so it's always a pleasure to see her. In fact I was having such a nice time with her, Nanna & Grandad that I barely noticed that M&D had disappeared!

It was the first time they've both left me to my own devices, but the dear things need some time together alone - two's company and all that...

Still, they came home eventually and we all had a nice lunch together. Nanna & Grandad took Auntie Joan home in the afternoon as they're staying at her house.

And so Mummy, Daddy and me were once again the dynamic trio.

AMK

Spies, Drugs and Hoopy Loopy Monkey

2009-09-11T21:58:00.005+01:00

Nanna & Grandad came to visit today, all the way from Wales. It was nice of them to come because they're busy at the moment after just moving into their swanky new waterside flat. It's so close to the harbour that if I perfect my casting, I might be able to do some fishing from the lounge.

My Nanna & Grandad are cool - they don't do things like normal people. They live in nice places sometimes, and then they go on very long holidays before coming back to live somewhere new. (I think they're actually international spies. Or of Romany descent.)

Today my tummy was hurting again so we went to the doctors. Nanna & Grandad came too as I think Mummy is finding me hard work! It was worth the trip though because I came home with some super drugs.

The afternoon was nice. We started to have a little play on my mat with Ringo, my Hoopy Loopy Monkey, but then Nanna & Grandad had to go until they come again tomorrow.

I wonder if a traveller's life will be for me.

AMK

Big Feet? First Shoes...

2009-09-10T21:43:00.004+01:00

The Nice Happy Service surpassed all expectations yet again today. Mummy and me had a walk into Teddington to see the nice people at the clinic.

After meeting two other boys in reception who were both called Angus (but neither had Monty as a middle name), I was weighed and measured by a nice lady. It seems my new nightly bottle is packed with calories, so much so I wonder whether it's just liquid lard - I've gone from 8lbs 11oz to 9lbs 7oz in just a week. What a chub.

Not only am I getting taller and chubbing-up, but Mummy's now considering cutting the toes of my sleep suits. My feet are huge.

I'll soon be in those shoes.

AMK

The Littlest Hobo

2009-09-09T20:59:00.001+01:00

To make my way in life I will need to quickly get to grips with the philosophy of a free market. It's sad, but true (unless I'm drawn to the life of a hobo).

I already understand that Daddy disappears in the morning and comes home at night in order to earn pounds, which we then exchange for toys, clothes, toys and stuff. But I've also noticed how M&D exchange what they call 'Brownie Points'. Daddy had built up a significant surplus of these but today blew the lot by going to watch the football at Wembley.

I didn't mind being left at home because Auntie Stephanie came to visit. We had a nice time playing while Mummy cooked up some supper. She thinks I might have some teeth soon. I hope she comes to see us again soon.

I took a sneaky peek at the TV to find out what was going on at Wembley so I could discuss the match with Daddy when he got home. From what I can gather, England's performance stunned the usually rock solid Croatians.

Despite a late consolation goal, Bilic was shortlisting players for a post-match knee-capping with 20 minutes still on the clock. As the post-match analysis on Goal.com nicely summed-up, "by this stage of proceedings Fabio Capello could have sent on Keith Harris and Orville without imperiling England’s passage to South Africa ... The glory was all England’s, with full-time celebrations for a merited win and flawless qualification campaign." Final score? 5-1!

Unfortunately, Daddy didn't get back until really late. His Brownie Point balance is now well into the red.

AMK

Let's Picnic Like it was 1999

2009-09-06T19:03:00.000+01:00

Counting my age in weeks, I've doubled and doubled my age again so far. Life is raring by at breakneck speed! I think M&D realised this today too when we were at Matthew and Nathalie's for lunch. I was pretending to doze in the sunshine but I heard them talking about nappies, volvos, share dealing and how a coal fire can really save pounds on the gas bill. Yawn.

I suspect if M&D had met up with Matthew and Nathalie, Chris and Karen just a year or two ago the conversation may have been a bit more 'rock and roll'.

Chris and Daddy may even have had a tipple of something slightly more racey than a mug of Matthew's vile brew.

Anyway, I don't mind getting bigger. Soon I'll be able to move either of my arms in whichever direction I want them to. Whenever I want. Cool, eh?

It was good to meet Alice and Harriet today. Alice is very grown up and was having fun in her sand pit. Only Matthew knew it was a sand pit because it was full of water today. Harriet is even littler than me; we didn't get chance to chill and chat today but next time we meet up I'll crack a few jokes, bust a few moves.

Until then I shall keep trying to pack on those pounds.

AMK

AMK Meets AHC. Takes Shine to JW.

2009-09-05T17:10:00.003+01:00

I met a business man today. An old school chum of Daddy's started his own company and now wears the spoils of success with relaxed ease. His hair sits atop his head like a crown, while his roaring vintage car makes a rumbling sound like thunder.

Despite his boofon hair and clapped out car, Aryn manages to maintain a relationship with a nice lady called Julia. She was nice to me today and gave me some cuddles straight from the top drawer. I'm sure I'll see lots more of them both.

Aryn helps people find jobs, even when they've already got one. And that, in turn, is his job. And he employs people to help him, giving them jobs. Julia's a lawyer and helps people keep their jobs, so her job is jobs too.

It's a funny old world.

AMK

Summer Bank Holiday as it Should be - Antipodean Style

2009-08-31T16:11:00.006+01:00

I like Bank holidays as it means Daddy stays at home and there's feverish excitement about 'what the weather will do'. On the meteorological front, this particular Bank Holiday was a disaster - the sun shone all day to confound the general populous - but we made the most of an unexpected situation.

Abi and Lauchlan came to visit today. Just when I thought I was getting to grips with the wider world, someone comes along to remind me that this planet is going to take some time to conquer. Lauch, who was born in New Zealand, flew back from America this morning. Not only that, but he lives in Camberley! He's positively the most travelled and exotic person I have ever met.

Lauch said 'hello' to me by rubbing noses. In New Zealand it's called a hongi. I thought it was all a bit forward personally, but I shall remember it should I ever be wondering through Auckland. Or Camberley High Street.

AMK

New Shoes

2009-08-29T20:24:00.007+01:00

Lovie, Darling, La-de-dah. An Account Director at Saatchi bought me some shoes. What can I say? They are quite possibly the coolest things I shall EVER wear.

Thank you Toby, Evie, Freddie & Jasper. Looking forward to meeting you for a picnic before summer '09 is over.

AMK