This Week, AMK Recommends...

Flash forward six months. AMK is at nursery and has the place on lockdown. He was the first to understand the power of the powder. A new kid tries to muscle-in on my patch, my lucrative piece of the action: what a mistake-a to make-a.

Benjamin White (the new kid): Hey, my name is Benny Blanco from the other side of the Bridge.
AMK: You know me?
Benny Blanco: Yeah, I know you, you're AMK, mo-freakin' to the max, that's who you are!
AMK: Well, I don't know you. So, I don't owe you, Saso does. My place now, new rules. Everybody pays, okay? You think you like me? You ain't like me, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricon no mo's. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse.

The powder to which I refer is, of course,Ashton and Parsons Infants Powders. It's quite magical stuff.

M&D give me a dose at bedtime and it sends me boss-eyed with joy. A nice little hit of fizzy fun on the old tongue before sleeps. When my teeth finally start coming through I'm hoping they'll up the old dosage.

AMK

Shake, Rattle and Roll

It turns out I'm not the only thing to emerge from inside Mummy this year.

Now that I've lost all but the least squemish of my readers, I shall expand. As noted in an earlier entry we discovered that Mummy has lots of stones in her belly. A very galling state of affairs, apparently, that made her tummy hurt lots.

So today we all went off to the hospital - not mine but another one that looks like a giant pub from the outside. (This made her feel a little less worried and actually quite excited.) We stayed for a while and watched Deal or no Deal in Mummy's room. The nurse came in and wanted to play with me, but frankly she was getting in the way of Noel and I was glad when she'd put Mummy's funny socks on for her and left.

But then Daddy and me had to go home. The poor old soul had to do my tea and get me bathed and ready for bed. After turning the house upside down and making a bit of a hash of things, Auntie Stephanie arrived and saved the day. I like playing with my Auntie and Daddy's not so bad really. But I miss my Mummy.

AMK

POST SCRIPT: I can confirm Operation BoulderDash has been a success! I was promised a rattle afterwards, made with the very stones themselves. It turns out, however, there were enough boulders in there to build a rockery!

Flyweight to Featherweight

Daddy's still hanging around the place, but I hear he's going back to work tomorrow to leave Mummy and me in peace. But while he's here I guess it is quite nice to troop around, the three of us.

This afternoon we went to the clinic where the nice ladies strip me off and put me in the big silver dish for the weigh-in. After a slow start it now seems I'm packing on the pounds and am no longer in the runner bean category. Smiles all round.

Everyone there is nice - Mummy always makes friends and I check out the other boys and girls. (Daddy said it's good that only Mummies and babies tend to go to the weigh-in; if it was full of Daddies then it would become ultra competitive.)

This morning wasn't so great. Poor Mummy had to go to the hospital where the doctor told her she's definitely got stones in her tummy and will have to have an operation.

If I'd known they were in there I could have brought them out with me back in July.

AMK

AMK 9, Daddy 1716

It's Daddy's birthday today. He was thrilled when Mummy worked out that while I'm just 9 weeks old (plus 2 days), Daddy is 1,716 weeks old.

We had a nice time celebrating with a trip to a restaurant by the lock, where I was a good boy the whole entire time. Daddy was wearing his new jacket that Auntie Stephanie bought him (we're all so tired of him dressing like a scruffy hobo), and I helped him re-arrange his golf sticks in his new bag. Sadly, he has all the gear but simply no idea.



It was a much better day than yesterday. Although it was fun going back to Kingston Hospital to see all my old chums, it did get a bit boring. But we had to go in order to get Mummy's tummy sorted out. They suspect she might have a stone in there, which sounds odd but apparently it's just a sign of too much good livin'. Bravo, I say.

AMK

Lights, Camera, Action

Point of view movies come and go. Popular in the horror genre, they get you closer to the action. To that end, here's a clip that will hopefully make GG and Nana coo (although it may have the breast-feeding brigade up in arms).



To avoid the wrath of the censor, however, I have decided not to post the movie clip entitled 'Snot Stick'. I have a cold, you see, and aside from the drops and room atomisers there's a devlish invention that helps young dudes like me "evacuate excess mucas" with the help of a very brave parent.

In honesty, neither M or D fancy testing out this bit of kit and are happier to let me cough, splutter, snore and snort my way through the night.

I approve.

AMK

Healing Hands

The Nice Happy Service (NHS) continues to surpass expectations. Today a nice lady came round to give me a massage. I offered to change into my bath robe and light some scented candles, but no one was listening.

Still, it was very nice - it made me do my first proper smile. Mummy can do massaging too now, and with any luck it will make my bad tummy go away for good!

AMK

A Good Day

England coach Fabio Capello will have mixed feelings about the performance of his side tonight in Amsterdam - and will demand the basic errors that cost two goals be eradicated as the build up continues towards what he hopes will be a serious World Cup challenge in South Africa next summer.

But he will be delighted by the spirit shown as England fought their way back level with Defoe as the spearhead, helped by impressive cameos from two other substitutes in Carlton Cole and Milner, after going 2-nil down in the first half.

In all honesty, after a long day I was pooped and happy to doze through most of the match.

I'm not sure football will be my game.

Today's excitement started with a trip to the doctors this morning. Isn't it always the way though? You work yourself up to go and on the morning you do, the complaint clears up! Yes, my yucky eye seems much better now.

On the way back we bumped into the nice lady who lives downstairs. Her name is Kate and she gave me a nice card. Mummy and me then had a sleep on the big bed - so much room! I couldn't sleep very well and after watching Mummy for a while I got bored so decided to wake her up.

In the afternoon we went to do circuits around the garden. I like it in my maxi-cosi seat, so Mummy pushed me round and round and round until I was asleep. Before I knew it we'd got as far as Kingston where I chose nice presents for Grandpa Mike as it's his birthday soon.

Now Daddy's home from work and we're taking it in turns to have some dinner. I get to go last, the cheek, and then it'll be bed time.

The midwife is coming tomorrow. I hope it's Sarah.

AMK