Help Me Angus, You're My Only Hope

I had a very distressing afternoon today. It turns out Mummy keeps a little boy trapped in a flat-pack plastic box. Poor little soul looks so confused and forlorn. And strangely familiar too.

I tried to free him today but no luck. Must try again tomorrow.

AMK

Big Ern, it's Been a Long Time

This hobby lark is throwing up some interesting adventures. Parkour was ok but I'm concerned about too much impact stress on the old knees, so today I tried something new.

Like Parkour, it demands total dedication; it requires mental commitment and only the physical elite will succeed. Unlike free running, however, you tend to improve after a bucket of nachos and half a dozen Carona's. And you get to wear cool shoes to boot, as it were. Ten pin.


Yup, Billy and me went down to MegaBowl. After starting with a few duff gutter balls, I'd soon bowled my first strike. By the 10th frame we were tied on 209 and I was faced with the 7-10 split. 'Bedposts'. The hardest split of 'em all. I released the ball with unrivalled fury, right to left in-swing to dig out the 7 pin and pick up the 10 on the re-bound.

But I missed and Billy won. Still, it was a fun way to celebrate my 7 month birthday.

Mummy was kind: here she is trying to rig the scores in my favour.

No matter, I shall get my revenge next time. Afterwards we all went back to Billy's house for supper and fun. I had a consolation bottle of milk and mulled over my ten pin future.

AMK

Happy Birthday Nanna, Part II

A little like the Queen, Nanna is having two birthdays this year. Or to be precise, because this year's birthday is such a big one she's celebrating it twice. I like that philosophy and would like to hereby remind M&D that one's first birthday is probably the most important of all. Ahem, hint.

So today M&D went into London to help Nanna have a fun day at the theatre with all her chums. Despite my penchant for Marlowe, Miller, Coward and Stoppard, I was left at home for the day. Thankfully I had GG and Grandpa to look after me, and I dare say we had more fun. Hurumph.

We had a jolly day together and they did a good job of looking after me.

I highly recommend their services to all my chums. Here we all are enjoying a laugh on the morning after the night before. In fact, I had so much fun I barely noticed M&D had gone awol.

Thank you for looking after me GG and Grandpa.

AMK

NB. As a point of clarity, it's worth noting that Grandpa's name is Mike not Jack (he's also more an islay malt kind of man).

Happy Birthday Nanna

Today was Nanna's birthday. Discretion forbids me from telling you, my dear reader, just which birthday it was but needless to say it was a BIG one. (And there's a clue in the picture.)

We all helped her celebrate by filling the house with balloons, cooking up a big feast and Uncle Phil even baked a hundred cupcakes (I shall start calling him Pillsbury Phil).

We sang 'Happy Birthday' and gave Nanna lots of presents. Auntie Stephanie bought lots of balloons too, although I was a little put out that they weren't for me (but Nanna shared, because she's nice like that).

I made her a mug with my mug on it, so she can see my mug whenever she has a mug of coffee. M&D bought her a purse with their pennies - something she can keep her pennies in. And Grandad gave her a special box full of pens and paper, but no crayons.

As we're all flung far and wide, it's nice to have an excuse to meet up together. Some families live in the same street, even the same house. Others live thousands of miles away from one another and never meet up. I think we've got it just right - every time I see Nanna and Grandad, Auntie Stephanie and Pillsbury Phil, GG and Grandpa it's always exciting. And I know it will only be a few weeks until our next adventure together. The only exception is Auntie Danny - I feel a jaunt to the tropical paradise of Jersey is long overdue.

But back to the festivities - Happy Birthday Nanna!

Your favourite grandson,

AMK

Too Parky for Parkour.

M&D think it's important for me to have interests outside of sleeping, eating and shouting. An interest that stimulates both body and mind. And preferably one that'll help make me get picked up, rather than picked on, at school.

So here I am: parkour for under ones, learning the first lesson - how to overcome any obstacle within one's path by adapting one's movements to the environment. Yes, I'm sitting. But with style, I'm sure you'll agree.

AMK

Keeping it in the Family

In 1779 two old duffers were arguing over who had the fastest horse. Instead of entering them into one of the established races at the Oaks Stakes, they decided only a completely new one would do. The Earl of Derby, one of the said duffers, dipped a hand into his rather large wallet and sponsored a new fixture on the Oaks Stakes racecard and rather graciously named it after himself. Rather irritatingly for him, it turned out his chum Charles Bunbury had the fastest horse - Diomed picked up the first ever Derby and a purse of over £1,000. To this day it's still the richest race on the UK calendar.

Here's me and Grandad arguing about which horse might win this year.

He's a bit of an expert, you see, and it's nice he's keen to pass on his knowledge.

Today we all met at The Derby Arms opposite Epsom. It was my first trip to a racecourse, so rather fitting that I got to tread the hallowed turf where the Blue Ribband event of British racing is held every June.

Nanna and Grandad now live close by for a while - a little sojourn in Carshalton between their stint in Cardiff and vacance in Rome. It's nice having them nearby. After a cuddle with Nanna, we then walked back across the racecourse and watched some grown men play with model planes. After one chap's helicopter exploded at 20 feet we jumped in the car and tootled home.

One day I shall have a real one that'll drop me off on Derby Day.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

Flash forward six months. AMK is at nursery and has the place on lockdown. He was the first to understand the power of the powder. A new kid tries to muscle-in on my patch, my lucrative piece of the action: what a mistake-a to make-a.

Benjamin White (the new kid): Hey, my name is Benny Blanco from the other side of the Bridge.
AMK: You know me?
Benny Blanco: Yeah, I know you, you're AMK, mo-freakin' to the max, that's who you are!
AMK: Well, I don't know you. So, I don't owe you, Saso does. My place now, new rules. Everybody pays, okay? You think you like me? You ain't like me, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricon no mo's. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse.

The powder to which I refer is, of course,Ashton and Parsons Infants Powders. It's quite magical stuff.

M&D give me a dose at bedtime and it sends me boss-eyed with joy. A nice little hit of fizzy fun on the old tongue before sleeps. When my teeth finally start coming through I'm hoping they'll up the old dosage.

AMK

Sleep 'til You're Hungry, Eat 'til You're Sleepy

That's not a bad philosophy, so I'm testing it out. While my milk does indeed make me sleepy if I drink it in quantity, there's a new way of speeding the journey from hunger to sleep - it combines consumption with physical exercise, you see.

When M&D sit down for their food, I sit down with them in my big chair. They lay out lots of nice things on my tray and I get to sling them about the place and stuff them in my mouth. It started a little hit or miss, but I think I'm getting the knack.

I'm in charge now, so it seems. It might look like feeding time at the zoo, but apparently I'm now a leading exponent of the science of "baby-led weaning". I can't believe anyone seriously believes putting a 6 month old baby in charge of their diet is a good idea, but here we are. I have a little nibble of this, a chew on that. And whether I like it or not I get to sling what's left across the room. It's all marvelous stuff. So far my favourite is brocolli.

Daddy isn't a great fan, it must be said. You see I end up gagging, choking and spluttering a lot. I've only stopped breathing twice and gone blue once, but it's all in a day's work.

AMK

This Week, AMK Recommends...

Day-in, day-out. Sleep, eat, giggle, gurgle, entertain, eat and sleep: the weight of responsibility I have to carry on my little narrow shoulders every day. If you're not careful, it can all grind you down.

So it's important to have an outlet - a way of blowing off steam. Some people fly model planes, some watch the rugby and others do karate, karaoke or even learn Klingon. I've found another way, which is why this week I recommend ...stacking cups!(4pce)

M&D build them up, I knock 'em down. Build 'em up, knock 'em down, again and again. There's nothing more theraputic. So just when everything starts getting a little bit too much, give it a go: there's nothing more fun than a bit of crash, bang wallop. And my Mummy is the best cup stacker of them all. I love my Mummy.

AMK

Sitting. What could be easier?

Upon every great achievement, it's always nice to share your success and to show it off just a little bit. Auntie Stephanie was up today so I was determined to show her how I've mastered sitting. May sound easy to you, but it's a real skill I tell you - particularly when your head still weighs more than your body.

Thankfully I don't think she noticed this little set back.



Next stop standing. But no rush.

AMK