Wednesday, 30 September 2009

AMK 9, Daddy 1716

It's Daddy's birthday today. He was thrilled when Mummy worked out that while I'm just 9 weeks old (plus 2 days), Daddy is 1,716 weeks old.

We had a nice time celebrating with a trip to a restaurant by the lock, where I was a good boy the whole entire time. Daddy was wearing his new jacket that Auntie Stephanie bought him (we're all so tired of him dressing like a scruffy hobo), and I helped him re-arrange his golf sticks in his new bag. Sadly, he has all the gear but simply no idea.

It was a much better day than yesterday. Although it was fun going back to Kingston Hospital to see all my old chums, it did get a bit boring. But we had to go in order to get Mummy's tummy sorted out. They suspect she might have a stone in there, which sounds odd but apparently it's just a sign of too much good livin'. Bravo, I say.


Sunday, 27 September 2009

It's a Jungle out There. And in My Room Too.

Big day today: I'm flying the nest and moving out of M&D's room. I simply can't take any more of their snoring, fussing and hushed debates all through the night; a growing boy needs his sleep.

I insisted Daddy finish off my room by putting up some pictures and generally tidying up the place. Of course he almost made a great hash of it, but thankfully Mummy and Auntie Stephanie were on hand to keep him in check and I now have pictures of a lion, a zebra and a giraffe on my wall. In all honesty, it looks pretty damn good.

Auntie Stephanie and me had some fun while M&D were fretting about my room. She bought me a big Lion for my play mat, which I gave a good thrashing with my best right-left-right punch combos.

I'm looking forward to the time when I can get the train to see Auntie Stephanie on my own. I think we'll have lots of fun.


Saturday, 26 September 2009

Posse Up, Let's Roll. Just Don't Give me no Hubbard.

Some of my chums live life according to a strict regime: a routine adhered to with military precision and determination. If they don't eat on the hour, wee at quarter past, snooze for 20 minutes and then play for 18 minutes until bathtime then they get a wee bit cranky, a little tetchy.

These crazies generally follow Gina Fordin much the same way Travolta and Cruise subscribe utterly to Hubbard - it's a religion.

Thankfully, while M&D seem to like the idea of getting me into a 'flow' they're not controlling maniacs and sometimes we just roll. And today we rolled all the way to Purley after Auntie Lynne, Edward and The Doctor invited us over for a barbeque.

The Doctor and me go way back. I met him when just a young boy of 2 weeks, over at Royal Holloway, but this was the first time I'd been introduced to Auntie Lynne and Edward. I can now recommend the Ratas as thoroughly nice folk, who can lay on a tip top spread.

E-Dog (my name for young Edward, now he's in my crew), was very funny and we played some nice games on my mat. He's also got a radio controlled bird. M&D were easily amused by The Doctor's giant cinema screen, so all in all we had a tip top time and I can't wait to roll back to the Ratas again soon.


Thursday, 24 September 2009

It's Not All Fun, Fun, Fun. Or Is It?

It's very easy for Mummy and me to feel thoroughly hard done by. Daddy pops off to work each morning for a jolly old time, while we slog it out at home through a daily trauma of feeding, burps, feeding, play time, shopping, tidying up and lunching with the ladies.

All the while it seems that Daddy feels the same way; he claims that work is far from a daily doddle and deep down believes that we just lark about at home.

But the weight of evidence is on our side! You see, Daddy came home early today and thankfully Mummy and me were slogging away at our chores. Things are so tough, in fact, that even at 8 weeks old Mummy makes me help her out - as this picture demonstrates.

In all honesty, we're normally in front of Bargain Hunt and eating cake from 2pm until 6ish. Just don't tell Daddy.


Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Lights, Camera, Action

Point of view movies come and go. Popular in the horror genre, they get you closer to the action. To that end, here's a clip that will hopefully make GG and Nana coo (although it may have the breast-feeding brigade up in arms).

To avoid the wrath of the censor, however, I have decided not to post the movie clip entitled 'Snot Stick'. I have a cold, you see, and aside from the drops and room atomisers there's a devlish invention that helps young dudes like me "evacuate excess mucas" with the help of a very brave parent.

In honesty, neither M or D fancy testing out this bit of kit and are happier to let me cough, splutter, snore and snort my way through the night.

I approve.


Monday, 21 September 2009

Keep Calm and Carry On

Unless it's time for food and there's no sign of Mummy, I am the personification of peace and inner calm. Granted, there are times when I have a little cry or even a shout. But on the whole, I'm happy with my lot and am content to lie on my bear and have a little play.

According to a recent news article, my zen-like calm is a very good thing indeed. Unfortunately, the benefits are dependent on M&D following suit; but with Daddy back at work and Mummy looking after me all day long, there's plenty of opportunity for stress. (The latest hot topic of debate is my bedtime.)

But the silly thing? Well, M&D are going to read this and work themselves into a frenzy of worry as they try to remain peaceful and calm - the pressure of not stressing will create a tension like no other.

I'm just going to keep my head down and play with my toys.


Saturday, 19 September 2009

Match of the Day? Me vs Giraffe.

Like all son's fathers, mine's no different. When he's not encouraging me to listen to difficult music in the hope I might one day rock the world, he's testing my hand-eye co-ordination.

Frankly, until I've made up my own mind about how I shall conquer this world I'm going to keep my talents firmly hidden. But damn him! He caught me playing 'keepy-uppy' with giraffe on my mat today.

Shame he missed the complex punch combo I dished out on the red monkey just moments afterward.


Friday, 18 September 2009

Weening Today, Not Whining

Today was the last day of my Dorset sojourn. Like all good things, this trip had to come to an end but it did so with a fine crescendo.

Mummy and me popped over to see Katie and Sophie before heading back home. Auntie Katie took all of us to a weening session where I met lots of other people my age. While the grown-up ladies talked about things a young man shouldn't need to hear, us young dudes gurgled, giggled and got to know one another.

Once back at Auntie Katie and Uncle Steve's house, Sophie and me had time to play. We had lots of fun on the mat, all caught on camera by Ms Spielberg-Lockett. The best bit was when me and Sophie held hands. Well, almost.

Too soon it was time to leave, but at least I got to see Daddy again tonight after he flew back from Newquay. I thought flying was rather extravagant but the silly man didn't realise it would take 164 hours to get home by train!


Wednesday, 16 September 2009

While the Cat's Away.

Daddy's off today, leaving Mummy and me to have some fun until Friday. While he's holed-up in a chocolate factory in Cornwall, me and Mummy are off to Wimbers to see GG and Grandpa.

I'm somewhat of a celebrity in Wimborne now: there seems to be a never-ending stream of people wanting to pop in to see me, which is splendid. But as every theatrical agent will tell you, it's important to always leave your audience wanting more and unfortunately I may well now be suffering from over-exposure in Dorset.

You see, while we were walking around the square I got caught short and Mummy had to change my bum on the Minster lawn. She did nothing to hide my dignity, ensuring tourists and locals alike got a glimpse of more than just the clock tower.

Thankfully, the local paper is weekly so my indiscretion won't be plastered across the news-stands until we're back in The Wick. So upon arrival at the golf club, there were no ugly scenes. I met Judy and Jackie at The Dudsbury; they're friends of GG and when they're not slogging it out on the course, they're to be found slumming it in the clubhouse. Mummy had to prise me out of Judy's arms when it was time to leave.

Caroline and Finlay came to play later on. Finlay and me played with my toys on my mat while Caroline and Mummy talked about grown-up stuff. Boring. In the end though, they joined us boys but I really wish they hadn't - they insisted on singing us nursery rhymes. (You'd understand if you've ever heard Mummy sing.) Emma came round to play too and before long she was signing along too. Lorks a lordy.

Anyway, here I am trying to impress Finlay by shaking my left arm really fast. Judging by his reaction, I clearly need to raise my game when hanging out with the big boys.

The last visitor of the day (poor Grandpa has had his house turned into Picadilly Circus) was Pam, the nice lady who made me my woollen cardigan. Her talents don't start and end at knitting - she gave me a splendid cuddle and fed me my bottle.

Holidays really are terrific.


p.s. Grandpa seems to have upped his game since losing to Daddy a few weeks ago. Using it as a motivational spur, he's since won match after match and is now Seniors Champion! Bravo.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Happy Birthday Toes!

So far in this short adventure I've been counting my age in weeks. To the uninitiated, a parent's ability to give their child's age in weeks, days and even hours is baffling, impressive and daunting. But to those in the know it's simply a case of needing a regular milestone, an achievable step back towards a modicum of normality.

I just think it's childish, which is why I'm pleased for Tabitha. She's the first one in our gang to hit the magic Year - happy birthday Toes! Mummy and me had a nice trip to Auntie Sophie's house today to wish the Tabster happy birthday in person. Mummy helped me make her a special birthday card and and a Rumble in the Jungle picture.

Things nearly turned awkward when Auntie Amy and Ellie arrived. You see, the card I made for Tabitha had a rather racey message inside, and the last thing I wanted was a 'scene' if Ellie clocked it. But then I remembered we're all too young to read anyway so crisis was averted.

We all had a jolly day together, I just hope we can all meet up again soon.


ps. If Auntie Amy or Auntie Sophie have any pics of the big day, pls send them to me at

Monday, 14 September 2009

7 Weeks Old Today

My mouth now does this strange thing whenever I'm happy. It turns up at the edges and sometimes it's accompanied by an involuntary squeak or gurgle.


Saturday, 12 September 2009

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd. I Like Crowds.

There's nothing quite like weekend mornings. The aroma of fresh coffee brewing and croissants warming in the oven; half a kilo of newspaper to wade through; sport previews on TV and nothing to do but chillax.

Daddy and me get up early on Saturday and Sunday to share some boy time. Today we played on my mat for a while, listened to some tunes and made Mummy some breakfast. I'm still finding it hard to make my arms move where I want them to, so I was content to sit back and oversee the proceedings.

Nanna & Grandad arrived with Auntie Joan later in the morning. It was the second time I've met Joan; she gives me splendid hugs so it's always a pleasure to see her. In fact I was having such a nice time with her, Nanna & Grandad that I barely noticed that M&D had disappeared!

It was the first time they've both left me to my own devices, but the dear things need some time together alone - two's company and all that...

Still, they came home eventually and we all had a nice lunch together. Nanna & Grandad took Auntie Joan home in the afternoon as they're staying at her house.

And so Mummy, Daddy and me were once again the dynamic trio.


Friday, 11 September 2009

Spies, Drugs and Hoopy Loopy Monkey

Nanna & Grandad came to visit today, all the way from Wales. It was nice of them to come because they're busy at the moment after just moving into their swanky new waterside flat. It's so close to the harbour that if I perfect my casting, I might be able to do some fishing from the lounge.

My Nanna & Grandad are cool - they don't do things like normal people. They live in nice places sometimes, and then they go on very long holidays before coming back to live somewhere new. (I think they're actually international spies. Or of Romany descent.)

Today my tummy was hurting again so we went to the doctors. Nanna & Grandad came too as I think Mummy is finding me hard work! It was worth the trip though because I came home with some super drugs.

The afternoon was nice. We started to have a little play on my mat with Ringo, my Hoopy Loopy Monkey, but then Nanna & Grandad had to go until they come again tomorrow.

I wonder if a traveller's life will be for me.


Thursday, 10 September 2009

Big Feet? First Shoes...

The Nice Happy Service surpassed all expectations yet again today. Mummy and me had a walk into Teddington to see the nice people at the clinic.

After meeting two other boys in reception who were both called Angus (but neither had Monty as a middle name), I was weighed and measured by a nice lady. It seems my new nightly bottle is packed with calories, so much so I wonder whether it's just liquid lard - I've gone from 8lbs 11oz to 9lbs 7oz in just a week. What a chub.

Not only am I getting taller and chubbing-up, but Mummy's now considering cutting the toes of my sleep suits. My feet are huge.

I'll soon be in those shoes.


Wednesday, 9 September 2009

The Littlest Hobo

To make my way in life I will need to quickly get to grips with the philosophy of a free market. It's sad, but true (unless I'm drawn to the life of a hobo).

I already understand that Daddy disappears in the morning and comes home at night in order to earn pounds, which we then exchange for toys, clothes, toys and stuff. But I've also noticed how M&D exchange what they call 'Brownie Points'. Daddy had built up a significant surplus of these but today blew the lot by going to watch the football at Wembley.

I didn't mind being left at home because Auntie Stephanie came to visit. We had a nice time playing while Mummy cooked up some supper. She thinks I might have some teeth soon. I hope she comes to see us again soon.

I took a sneaky peek at the TV to find out what was going on at Wembley so I could discuss the match with Daddy when he got home. From what I can gather, England's performance stunned the usually rock solid Croatians.

Despite a late consolation goal, Bilic was shortlisting players for a post-match knee-capping with 20 minutes still on the clock. As the post-match analysis on nicely summed-up, "by this stage of proceedings Fabio Capello could have sent on Keith Harris and Orville without imperiling England’s passage to South Africa ... The glory was all England’s, with full-time celebrations for a merited win and flawless qualification campaign." Final score? 5-1!

Unfortunately, Daddy didn't get back until really late. His Brownie Point balance is now well into the red.


Sunday, 6 September 2009

Let's Picnic Like it was 1999

Counting my age in weeks, I've doubled and doubled my age again so far. Life is raring by at breakneck speed! I think M&D realised this today too when we were at Matthew and Nathalie's for lunch. I was pretending to doze in the sunshine but I heard them talking about nappies, volvos, share dealing and how a coal fire can really save pounds on the gas bill. Yawn.

I suspect if M&D had met up with Matthew and Nathalie, Chris and Karen just a year or two ago the conversation may have been a bit more 'rock and roll'.

Chris and Daddy may even have had a tipple of something slightly more racey than a mug of Matthew's vile brew.

Anyway, I don't mind getting bigger. Soon I'll be able to move either of my arms in whichever direction I want them to. Whenever I want. Cool, eh?

It was good to meet Alice and Harriet today. Alice is very grown up and was having fun in her sand pit. Only Matthew knew it was a sand pit because it was full of water today. Harriet is even littler than me; we didn't get chance to chill and chat today but next time we meet up I'll crack a few jokes, bust a few moves.

Until then I shall keep trying to pack on those pounds.


Saturday, 5 September 2009

AMK Meets AHC. Takes Shine to JW.

I met a business man today. An old school chum of Daddy's started his own company and now wears the spoils of success with relaxed ease. His hair sits atop his head like a crown, while his roaring vintage car makes a rumbling sound like thunder.

Despite his boofon hair and clapped out car, Aryn manages to maintain a relationship with a nice lady called Julia. She was nice to me today and gave me some cuddles straight from the top drawer. I'm sure I'll see lots more of them both.

Aryn helps people find jobs, even when they've already got one. And that, in turn, is his job. And he employs people to help him, giving them jobs. Julia's a lawyer and helps people keep their jobs, so her job is jobs too.

It's a funny old world.